Michelle Borok

Letting Go

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 08:18:00 +0000

When I meet people that move around a lot, I always consider myself a really stationary being. I tend to set up camp in one place for a long time until something (or someone) convinces me it's time to pull up stakes and move along. I haven't ever regretted being in one place for "too long" because it's hard to know how long I was supposed to be there. How long do you give a place before you can fairly make the call that it was the right place to be? How many friends do you have to make, or lose, to know that you did right by those people and it's okay to move on?

I'm heading to Korea and Mongolia soon. It will be the longest I've been away from "home" in decades. It's a little scary, and it's reminding me of how much envy I've had in the past for people who can live like nomads all the time.

My trip is about exploring my roots (my family and cultural ties in Korea) and then switching gears to go off exploring my nagging desire to cut all roots off above the knee. I won't really be able to, but damn... on tough days I threaten the universe that when I get to Mongolia, I won't come back.

Sigh. I'm a total wuss... it's not gonna happen. The trip is, not the running away.

My friend Christian made a lovely little film about holding on. He and his wife, Adriana are nomads who've struggled with these questions more often than I. They're also role-models for what it takes to maintain the ties that matter.

the things we keep from svanes on Vimeo.

I have so much to learn. I'm perpetually in the process of shedding layers of my life, trying to decide what and when to purge. I think this is one of those things they never tell you about when you're a kid.

Peanut Gallery

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 23:49:00 +0000

Andrew Jeffrey Wright did his comedy thing way back when we partied down with Ray Fong. Peggy Honeywell also played a set at GR2 that night. Now you can enjoy his laugh fest at the click of a mouse button.

SQUATTER JOKES!!!!!

Like the pirate said to the priest and the rabbi that he met at the bar about the mushroom playing pool, AJW is a pretty FUNGI.

Tiger Tuesday

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 07:38:00 +0000

This is Edwin Ushiro's piece for the Year of the Tiger show. The show opens just in time for Lunar New Year next Saturday, the 13th. LA Animal Services will be at GR2 again with some critters looking for homes. Bring in any items that you'd like to donate to the shelter. We'll send out a list of items they need. Last year we were able to hook up some pups and kitties with new homes, and we got a nice haul of supplies that the West LA animal shelter was able to put to use!

Edwin's tiger piece reminds me of my cat Iliose who passed away. Iliose was named by a very good friend I had at the time when I rescued her, Rod Coronado. Rod was in a Federal prison, and we spent hours on phone calls overheard by the FBI. One of those was about what I should name my little orange tabby. He came up with Iliose, which he told me meant "little lion" in Yaqui. She could have been a little tiger too - she was brave little one. I miss her.

Anyhow, there are some other fantastic pieces for the show - you can check out some preview images on the GR Flickr page. You'll still have to come to GR2 to see all the good stuff. I've got a mountain of art that came in on Monday. Opening boxes of incoming art is like Christmas, Hannukah, and the best birthday ever all rolled into one. Well.... as long as whoever sent the art packed it well. So far, this show has arrived with zero casualties. I'm knocking some wood now, hoping I didn't just jinx the folks who still have art en route.

It's been a tumultuous month. Lots of shifting, and I'm working hard to get centered. Year of the Tiger indeed...

To gear up for 4708, I met up with Mr. Ushiro for lunch of a Sumatran nature at Simpang Asia. I knew this place was going to be good. Next time I go, I'm fasting for 3 days before I order my entree.

The smell of my food, when the banana leaf it came wrapped in, magically opened itself should be bottled up and sold as a perfume. I'd rub it on myself everyday - essence of garlic and coconut milk... I'd be irresistible.

Labyrinth

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 03:01:00 +0000

Pals Graham Kolbeins and Mya Stark got together and made some magic happen in West Hollywood. Working with forward thinking folks at the Pacific Design Center, Graham and Mya have been given the opportunity to meld their creative powers and open the doors to a new home for artists in LA at their new gallery space Mastodon Mesa.

Their kickoff started today, with the opening of Mastodon Maze. I'll be there Saturday night for the reception. Please come so you can hold my hand in the maze and keep me from getting lost. I have a terrible sense of direction.

In their words:

Mastodon Mesa invites you to a magical, labyrinthine group show, entitled Mastodon Maze. It may or may not include:

ballroom dancers, gynecological blasphemy, paleolithic wool-spinning workshops, modular tetrahedrons, fabric portal party arteries, cup-string telecommunications, undead florae, trompe-l’oeil record collections, dream object development, anachronistic mermen, hair-dryer symphonies, and a prism parlor.

Curated by Mya Stark & Graham Kolbeins

Mastodon Maze will be open during the PDC's "Art Contemporary Los Angeles" fair, Friday 1/29 - Sunday 1/31. Since we are not associated with the fair, admission to the maze is FREE! We are located on the 5th floor in room B528.

OPENING EVENT: Saturday, January 30th, 5:00pm - 7:00pm

These are the artists:

Philip Cameron
Ashley Crawford
John T. Dempsey
Andrew Extein
Seán Gall
Adrian Esparza
Michael C. Hsiung
Ashley Huizenga
Daniel Ingroff
Charles Irvin
Lisa Katnic
Donnie Luu
Alison O’Daniel
David Maupin
Michael Metzger
Reuben Perelman
Paul Pescador
Stephen Rowan
Katie Ryan
Heather Steere
and Tyler Thacker

Mastodon Maze from Graham Kolbeins on Vimeo.

Fallout

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 04:58:00 +0000

I can't imagine anything more frightening than what the people of Haiti went through last night, and what they're still suffering through. The loss of loved ones, homes and livelihoods is tremendous, and from a world away, all I can know of that loss is what I see in photos and hear in the stories of Haitians here, who are struggling with the inability to communicate with their family and friends back home.

The Daily Mail has this photo essay telling the story of the fallout:

I'm not sure what I can do to help these people. I can donate $10 through my cell phone bill, and hope that somehow it evolves into something tangible that will help someone survive the crush of cement block buildings that happened around them. These tragedies make me feel helpless. They make me wish that I had the courage to pick up my bags and go where the help is needed. I have the utmost respect for the people that do, and I envy them. Helping other people is sometimes about helping yourself, but it's not a bad way to be selfish in the grand scheme of things.

I get bummed out when I think about what goes to waste in the world.

What needs to happen to us (the collective us) to make us appreciate what we have? How bad do things have to get?

What a way to start the year.

Unobtainium

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 07:15:00 +0000

I like movies, I really do. I'll watch pretty much anything, but I'm hardest on the film with most hype, and right now, that movie is Avatar. You've probably already heard all the jokes about smurfs and Dances with Wolves that dog it a bit, but for every joke about how corny it is, I've also heard how it's groundbreaking, and how it has a pro-environment/anti-military message. I didn't see the movie that had any of that though. Maybe that was only in the IMAX version.

Let's just set aside the fact that all this movie succeeds at is being a vehicle for James Cameron's advances in digital effects. Oh, and the potential for really cool action figures and Happy Meal toys. After that, there's not much left but the gross racial politics, and the glorification of war. The Navi (Development Meeting: "Dudes... they're NATIVES, so we can just call them NAVI!") represent indigenous people through a dramatically watered down cultural filter only to be rivaled in recent films, by Jar-Jar Binks and a yellow-faced Queen Amidala. Round up all the tropes - these simple people are one with nature; these simple people don't need the trappings of modern life; these simple people are helpless; these simple people need our sympathy and protection; these simple people will be saved by a white everyman - and you end up with a story that aims to make the viewer feel better about their place in the world, by reminding them that there's always someone worse off that we can bail out.

For the rest of us, we get to sit through a series of imperialist renditions of a world in need of a civilized savior. We get 2.5 hours of the essential "native", replete with headdresses, spears to be chucked, unjust arranged marriages, leather thongs, and accents from the deepest darkest corners of the globe. You can paint those CGI faces blue, but it's pretty clear that they are a reddish-brownish-black underneath it all.

There's no redemption in this film. The bad guys aren't really bad - they're just trying to make a living. The good guys are so alien that they are unnaturally blue animal-people. We're supposed to be so enchanted by floating bits of ash coming alive for our 3D glasses, that we forget that even the most rudimentary action film should have suspense and tension. There aren't even any laughs. Well... if you count the guffaw inducing monologues bashing the "Sky People", or the subtitled Navi dialogue in Rainforest Cafe font.... those laughs don't count.

I want the world to crave another kind of fantasy in film, and to be able to recognize cheap, plastic junk when they see it. Do you want a movie with a pro-environment/save the forests message that is inventive and visually stunning? Watch Princess Mononoke! Do you want to see an anti-war movie? Watch Grave of the Fireflies! If Avatar is the new Star Wars, then we're all doomed. I knew that we were in trouble when the Spice Girls were the new feminists, but I never imagined how much worse it could get...

I'm going to stick to what I know and love:

Lars von Trier, making movies that take your imagination to the darkest, scariest places humanity can go, to remind you to keep a wide berth:

And documentaries like The Cove, that remind you that as good as you think things are, there's depravity out there, and if you're willing to put your liberty on the line you might be able to make a difference:

There are real atrocities that are committed against real people, real animals and real landscapes. Numbing the collective conscience against the real stuff is killing us all.

And it makes me cranky on Christmas Day.

I <3 Carbs!

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 08:46:00 +0000

My diet has changed a lot over the years, but one thing has stayed the same.... I love starchy foods. I love carbohydrates. I like rice. I like pasta. I am not that different from most people in this. There's a guy in San Diego who loves carbs more than anyone else I've seen. He opened a restaurant devoted to one of the best ways to enjoy one starch - INSIDE OF ANOTHER!! It's a TORPASTA!!!

The Torpasta is the creation of Devine Pastabilities founder, Damien Devine. This man is a culinary genius. Just so you're clear, this is a hollowed out sandwich roll STUFFED with delicious pasta! The menu offers up pretty much every favorite pasta combo, and to be eco-friendly (and carb-obsessed) they even serve up the yanked out bread guts and make them into yummy, dippable garlic bread.

My favorite is Dayna's Vegan Special. The sauce is full of fresh spinach, and it has veggie meatballs that have a fantastic taste and texture - not quite as good as Margie & Nelson's tofu meatballs, but pretty damn good. The vegan bonus at this place is the shaker they'll bring to your table that is stocked with nutritional yeast. I don't know any good vegan who doesn't worship at the temple of nutritional yeast. If they don't.... they're dumb.... and they probably have a vitamin B deficiency.

The Giant Robot crew is in San Diego every year for Comic Con, friends, family and film festivals throughout the year. I think everyone is going to thank me when we start hitting this place up on a more regular basis. Since we don't have the resources to bring Nelson with us to make gr/eats favorites everyday, we cling on to great food spots in SD, and all the better when they have menu items that I can eat!

If you're down there, you need to try this for yourself. The best thing about this place is that it isn't just gimmicky food. I'd take trekking out to this place for a solid meal over schlepping all over LA for some lame food truck that has a Twitter account. In times like these, I'd like to see more people putting their hard-earned dollars towards businesses that play by the rules, and are aiming to be fixtures in their communities. Gimmick has never impressed me. Ingenuity and dedication always has.

Animation Funtime!

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 23:39:00 +0000

Homework assignment for all is to watch an episode of The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack. I may be late in the game here, but I am an ardent fan. I don't know what it is... It's like when I was a kid and could watch re-run after re-run of Disney cartoons and never get bored. Flapjack has so much to offer visually, and the storytelling and jokes are genius, so there's always something to discover. I can't gush enough. WATCH THIS CARTOON!

While you're at it, in the continuing tradition of brilliant GR Family artists dabbling in animation, Kelly Tunstall and Ferris Plock have been making a splash with their own brand of adventure tales with their animated Seafarers series.

The Seafarers - Sea of Love from Eighty Four Films on Vimeo.

Kelly & Ferris are busy new parents and still managing to find the time and energy to develop their work, be in the studio, and strengthen their ties with family, friends and colleagues. It makes me feel very silly about not being able to find the time to do that for myself.

I should probably spend less time watching Flapjack... but I can't stop!!!

Cannonballs.

What's in my fridge?

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 02:23:00 +0000

I'm not much of a cook. Most of what I make is overcooked, or undercooked (whatever makes that particular item taste worse) and I don't actually enjoy the act of cooking. I don't really care about the quality of the food I make at home, as long as it makes me feel full. I'm kind of picky about the food I eat out, but mostly I care if it has ingredients in it I can't eat. I don't really give a crap if it was locally sourced, if it is Jonathan Gold approved, or has a twitter following. I like food, but there's more to life. Breathing and sleep are more awesome than fusion tacos, but it's important to pay attention to what you cram in your pie hole.

I've been thinking a lot more about what I eat, as I get older, and as I become increasingly addicted to You Are What You Eat on BBC America. I'm totally hooked. My favorite part of the show is when Gillian McKeith loads up an 8 foot long table with everything that her fat person of the day has eaten in a week. They're British, so it's a lot of stuff that's brown, fried and full or cream or sausage. The only time you ever see anything green on the table is if there were some green peas in their Shepard's Pie. It's pretty gross, and it makes me feel like a superstar for making the dietary choices that I do. I am especially proud for getting back to eating organic veggies in larger quantities.

My beau, David and I went to the LA County Fair this year. We saw all kinds of gross food, got yelled at by a Shamwow sales rep, and got to hang out with tiny cows. In one of the 9 commercial buildings I was seduced by a hot, hapa sales rep from Farm Fresh to You.

I used to use another service like this, but dropped it when I found myself throwing out half of what was delivered because I could never get around to eating it all. I decided to sign up for this again because I've been growing tired of everything I eat at home coming out of a bag or a box, oh yeah, and because the guy signing me up for the service was dreamy - that closed the deal.

So far, the service has been great! I get the smallest box of mixed veggies and fruits, and everything delivered has been something I actually want to eat. Last night, motivated by not wanting to throw out any food, I whipped up a pretty tasty organic meal that I wouldn't be afraid to let someone else try to swallow.

I started with something I knew would be ready to eat quickly, so I sauteed up the bok choy that came in my delivery with some of these other ingredients.

It looks a lot prettier before it's cooked, but tastes so much better after!

While the bok choy was being made, I had some yukon gold potatoes, leeks, and mini heirloom tomatoes roasting. The tomatoes came from Trader Joe's and were on the outs - getting all shriveled up, but the leeks and potatoes were straight out of the organic delivery box. I don't really understand food stuff, but the tomatoes got un-shriveled while they were roasting. Either way, they made the potatoes and leeks delicious.

I wish I could say that my meal was washed down with this, but I had Pacifico instead, and chased everything with some super yum to the 10th power persimmons instead.

I think the eventual consumption of Lightning Bolt deserves its own blog altogether...

O, Hai Kitty!

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 06:28:00 +0000

Last night I took a quick break from the Biennale Deux at the Japanese American National Museum to check out the opening of the Hello Kitty Birthday Celebration at Royal/T. Jamie from JapanLA put together an impressive lineup of artists for this themed group show, and I'm always down for an event with this much exposure putting a spotlight on talented folks.

I got there pretty early, talked smack with Bobby Hundreds when there was still room to stretch your legs, checked in with Buff Monster who had been there all day (and wowed the Sanrio Tokyo folks with his piece), found David of Vannen Watches who hooked up GR stores with a cool watch giveaway, and pounded some Hello Kitty wine when the girls in ill-fitting maid uniforms could still maneuver the rooms with trays of full champagne flutes. Of course... I also stayed for the melee... Can you find me in the crowd shot from boingboing.net?

(It's not that hard to find me. In this photo I am going through the flood of email entries for the David Choe print raffle. Get yours in before it's over, or before I throw my blackberry into the LA River. Whichever comes first.)

There were lots of celebrity sightings - probably more than I see in LA in 6 months - all there in 2 hours. Paris Hilton had a long shopping spree in the pop-up shop. Kimora Lee (Simmons still?) brought her daughters named after ethnicities and continents and dug on the Hello Kitty ride by Friends With You, but I'm cooler because Sam of FWY took me on a private ride with skampy and showed us how it worked (James Jean got the same treatment, but we already know I can't compete with that). I was reunited with my favorite on-the-scene reporter, James St. James. I got to wax nostalgic with Selene Luna about the fond memories I have of nights at the now defunct Parlor Club. She, to this day, is my favorite person to ever work an LA nightclub door. She always made you feel like she was happy to see you there, and that it was going to be a good night. Isn't that how it should be everywhere?

Other notables were Pete Wentz with his new haircut, internationally famous, genuinely nice guy who barely EVER gets mentioned on a GR blog, Joe Hahn, and 90's bigwig Dave Navarro. I'm sure there were tons of other people I should have noticed, but like one should do at any event, I spent time with my friends, and like any good Asian, I scored some awesome free stuff!! Check out my loot! You can follow the link to get a breakdown, if you're that into Hello Kitty swag.

I know everyone reading this is going to the GR Biennale at JANM tomorrow, but they have stuff going on tomorrow afternoon before our festivities start. There might not be any goodie bags for folks tonight at the official opening, but tomorrow afternoon, it's crazy non-stop fan day and they've worked pretty hard to come up with stuff you'll want to spend your money on. Check out the calendar of events. If you're freaky-crazy into Hello Kitty, there's something there for you over the next month, even if you're goth.

No, seriously, they're having a goth night. Maybe this guy will be there.

Oh my God, Shoes.

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 00:05:00 +0000

As I was taking a break from sorting out some emails for the David Choe print raffle, I hopped on Flickr to check out some pictures from the Biennale and the Hello Kitty party I went to last night. All that got hijacked because Allison Cole just did me in and made me break my shoe fast.

It's not fair... I've been really, really good about not buying new shoes. I only buy replacement riding boots now, not cute stuff, just stuff that gets worn out, covered in mud and horse poop, and needs to be replaced. But these.... I can't NOT own these...

You need to own them too! Check them out here:

http://www.zazzle.com/allisonillustration

But, do me a favor, buy one of her other fantastic designs so we don't have one of those awkward moments where we're wearing the same thing. Well, crap, don't worry about it, these are so great, I won't mind if you're wearing them too!

Yay for Keds for partnering with great artists to create an end product that gels with the artist's own design sensibility, and for creating something exclusive that's still somewhat affordable.

Yay for Allison to constantly creating quality work, whether it's original artwork (like the piece hanging at the Japanese American National Museum RIGHT NOW), creative illustration, or fun products that make the best gifts ever!

Okay, New Shoes, hurry up and get here!!!

Pictures on Walls

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 00:56:00 +0000

I think this work is absolutely gorgeous. There's something about it that seems so much more in tune with the space it's camping out in, and it's the kind of thing that I would venture out to see. If I came across it by surprise I would be delighted.

You will be able to see work like this soon. I wonder if it will be as magical under halogen lights as I imagine it is under the sun and moon? I think it will still be pretty special...

Fountain

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 19:59:00 +0000

Lots of us get those emails from people announcing their latest stuff - art, t-shirt, toys, books. Sometimes it's great and exciting, but most of the time it's people you don't well enough to get excited about and those emails get junked.

Today's notable email was from Seonna Hong. Not to be ignored, as not only is Seonna tremendously talented, but also a pretty swell human. She's a good person, and like most good people, has good people as friends. She and her BFF Sara Lov collaborated on a music video for Sara's "Fountain", off her recent release "Seasoned Eyes Were Beaming".

Enjoy this video. I love this song lyrically and musically. Seonna's touchingly intimate artwork is animated like paper dolls. They're like a world you made in your bedroom, alone on a rainy day when you have nothing to do but sit with your imagination.

Imagination can be a precious escape from solitude, or a terrible place to be... Sara, Seonna and Marco's vision is more in line with the former. I like that.

View it here on Sara Lov's YouTube page (and you can check out her other videos) or here:

Fountain from MARCO MORANDI on Vimeo.

Film Fun

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 19:45:00 +0000

Caught a handful of films at the LA Film Festival this year. Bummed I missed Dear Lemon Lima, even after they added an EXTRA screening, but out of the ones I did get to see, these were three notables:

Stella
Director: Sylvie Verhyde

This film was absolutely enchanting. Best coming of age story made in a long time. I'm partial to the story of the misfit, but not the dopey, sissy Little Miss Sunshine kind of misfit. I like the misfit that most resembles the ones I grew up with and looked up to. Stella is the story of a girl who probably grew up to be the coolest person on the planet. Word on the street is that it is the story of Sylvie Verhyde, the film's director. Sylvie, I just want to tell you, this is the kind of movie that Sofia Coppola would give her right arm to make. I can't imagine a more perfect film. Thinking of it now, I'm filled with the same fire and wonder that I walked away with after the screening. That feeling didn't fade until I fell asleep that night. Truly, a fantastic film. I don't want to spoil anything for anyone here, but prepare yourself for the undertow. I didn't want to leave this movie for a minute, and as soon as it has US distribution, I'm taking everyone I know to go see it.

We Live in Public
Director: Ondi Timoner

This documentary is part of the movement I am starting to identify as the TOP-DOG Documentary. These documentaries have a distinctly Hollywood flavor, and like my fake genre's first commercial success, Dogtown and Z-Boys, these films say "Hey, in case you didn't know, our generation was the best one ever, and whatever you do now is because we did it first". I find myself in a tough spot with these films. I'm drawn to them, because they always have the potential to shed light on subcultures that I have at some point felt a part of, but as soon as I start to feel a part of things, I'm reminded that the filmmaker, and the subjects of the doc should be remembered as THE ONLY PEOPLE THAT EVER MATTERED. The viewer should stay behind the velvet rope and be happy to be in the presence of ORIGINAL GENIUS. Of course, for those in the know, these films always reveal that there are predecessors being ignored, and the hunger for celebrity and recognition ultimately does shed light on the sub-culture... just not always a good one. I was hooked on the story about Joshua Harris, and as his story unfolded, it became clear why even though I was spending hours online, on IRC, and sending emails in 1993, I never once heard of this guy or a single one of his projects. Thanks to film (and if Harris has his way, television) Joshua Harris will be back on someone's front page, and I have a feeling he's going to get a thrill from the fame in Hollywood that comes from having once done something people in NY got excited about, but can barely remember now. When this hits theaters, go check this out with your inter-nerd friends, see for yourself. There isn't much in the film that will shock you outside of the idea of one person spending so much money on something so fleeting, and having nothing to show for it but a festival hopping documentary.

Paper Heart
Director: Nick Jasenovec

I missed out on all the earlier buzz about this movie, which I'm actually pretty happy about. I even had Giant Robot 60 in my hands the day of the screening I attended, and HELD OFF of reading the interview with Charlyne Yi so I could walk in fresh. I knew it was going to be funny, I knew it would only deepen my passionate love for Michael Cera, and I knew that I was going to like it. Check out the interview with Charlyne in GR. It's a fun read, and it made me like the film even more. Charlyne Yi and Nick Jasenovic do a tremendously good job wrangling the hours of footage they had for this film, and they tell a fantastically fun, and original story. This is going to be in theaters soon, and this will be another one I will urge all my friends to see. This movie has the power to defrost at least a few of the outermost layers of the iciest hearts.

My general rule is to support the projects of anyone who supports Giant Robot, and Michael Cera and Martin Starr used to come in to GR back when GR60 cover artist Deth P. Sun used to work there. That was a good era. This issue of GR brings it around in a way that I love. It's a perfect way to commemorate 15 years of a company that strives to inspire, recognize and celebrate good things!

Deals on Drawings

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 08:15:00 +0000

Now's a good time to make wise investments. Art always counts to me! With mega-corporations like Google not being willing to shell out bucks to talented peeps for their mini masterpieces, it's a good time to show your appreciation for creative endeavors by buying work from your favorite people out there.

Peter Thompson is one of my faves, and he's got some good deals going with his $50 drawings. Check them out on Flickr. This one makes me happy, but someone beat me to it... no worries though, there are still a ton of great pieces still available!

Blogger: Michelle Borok - Create Post

I also have to save pennies for the party at Yosemite Studios this week. Sad to hear this will be the last of the parties, but also secretly pleased that studio residents will be letting go of some gems. Sometimes it makes me feel dirty to buy stuff off of my friends, but I suppose it's a good thing in the long run.

Depression

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 08:22:00 +0000

I'm reading You Can't Go Home Again by Thomas Wolfe. Look Homeward, Angel is one of my favorite books, but this novel is starting to push it out of the running for number one.

Books seem to have the ability to show up and get read at the right time. The internet hustles for relevance, but books have an easy, quiet knack for it. The last book I finished was Reading Lolita in Tehran. I started it ages ago, and it was such a dull read that it took forever, but now it's paying off. Reading another text about the experience of the educated elite in the Middle East, and about women dealing with the changing political climate in Iran , has certainly added to the interest in what's going on in Iran right now - but more interesting now is how Americans are responding to what's happening on the ground. There's this passionate (as much passion as a person can gather from behind a keyboard) response to what's happening there, that I can't seem to get caught up in... not when I've seen how much democratic freedom Americans have been willing to give up in this country without the slightest hint at a fight.

I suppose that universally, we fall into the same political and economic cycles, despite scholar's best efforts to document the errors of the past. Is it formulas in place that we can't fall out of line with? Is it just complacency? Knowing that what we ignore now won't make an impact until we're too old to take responsibility for it?

Thomas Wolfe reflected on the Great Depression in the 1930s, and what his characters spoke of then is true now.

Different time. Different faces.

Same place. Same mistakes.

From George, Wolfe's central character, and not so thinly-veiled mouthpiece:

"Sometimes it seems to me... that America went off the track somewhere -back around the time of the Civil War, or pretty soon afterwards. Instead of going ahead and developing along the line in which the country started out, it got shunted off in another direction - and now we look around and see we've gone places we didn't mean to go. Suddenly we realize that America has turned into something ugly - and vicious - and corroded at the heart of its power with easy wealth and graft and special privilege... And the worst of it is the intellectual dishonesty which all this corruption has bred. People are afraid to think straight - afraid to face themselves - afraid to look at things and see them as they are. We've become like a nation of advertising men, all hiding behind catch phrases like 'prosperity' and 'rugged individualism' and 'the American way.' And the real things like freedom, and equal opportunity, and the integrity and worth of the individual - things that have belonged to the American dream since the beginning - they have become just words, too. The substance has gone out of them - they're not real any more..."

Sigh.

I need to spend more time with puppies and ponies.

Karaoke Lunch Break!!

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 23:21:00 +0000

Just as I was feeling that I was losing touch with karaoke in my life, it came on like a song tsunami to remind me I can never let go. Last month's trip to NYC had me back on the mic with Anne and her bachelor party posse from Brooklyn. We went to a spot in Chinatown that felt very LA, except for the late last call, and better dressed people.

It felt good to be back.

Last year's birthday was marked by a great dinner with friends, and then an awkward karaoke session with people from my different social circles all in the same place. We were sharing karaoke stylings, music selections and an intimate space without much harmony. For year 33 I did Disneyland instead, and my karaoke fix came later with Martin.

Last week we went down to Max Karaoke on Sawtelle for our first (and hopefully not last) karaoke lunch break! It was a challenge we were both down to tackle - cram as many songs as possible between us for the next 60 minutes, then return to work energized!

I should have kept count of how many we knocked out, but I was too busy looking for my next song. It was probably 6 or 7 a piece. Not all of them were winners, and I tried to mix it up with songs that were new for me, but we were both eager to maximize time and quality.

Later that night, I was surprised to get a second shot at karaoke magic in one 24 hour period. Lana texted about meeting up in K-town for karaoke at Rosen's with her posse and friend in from NYC. I was sick (infected with disease from touching things at Disneyland) but I had to try.

A few shots of Maker's and some Bud Light chased with OB helped me power through the illness, and Lana's crew picked crazy good songs to keep us going until after last call. I can't imagine a better way to have started and ended the day. Well.... unless I did this version of one of my karaoke faves:

Doing Good Things

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 02:26:00 +0000

Hung the Free to a Good Home show today, with the help of Tru, Keyla and Jeannette. All girl crews rule. This one went up smoothly. There are almost 70 pieces in the show, from over 30 artists, and all of them have dogs in them. This time around dogs are in the spotlight, and we are hosting an adoption event for West LA Animal Services. We're collecting donations for the shelter (and rewarding all donations with a 25% off coupon!), giving people a chance to meet shelter dogs, and also presenting an impressive collection of artwork celebrating canines. It all feels good to me.

Raising funds for LA Animal Services isn't a part of what we're doing with this show, but if you'd like to donate, you can do so on their website. The push here is to get these dogs adopted, at the very least, plant the seed! They'll be bringing dogs of different ages and sizes, but all with a great temperament. Maybe they'll bring the Spero they have for adoption there! MY Spero might be a little bummed to know that she's not the only one with the name, but she'd be happy if the fake Spero found a home, like she did.

Every animal I've ever shared my home with has come from a shelter, or was passed on to me by friends. I'm always a bit shocked when I find out people still get dogs from pet stores and breeders, but it happens. With the growth of so many breed specific rescue organizations, it's a shame it still does though. I've never been a breed specific person - maybe because I'm a mutt too, and although I've always dreamed of owning a Great Pyrenees, or a harlequin Great Dane, no dog to ever come out of any pooch's cooch will be better than Praxis, or even Spero in her dysfunctional way. The volunteers at the West LA shelter will be bringing some great dogs out tomorrow night (and one lone kitten!) that will all be available for adoption that day. If they need to be spayed or neutered, they won't be able to go home with people Saturday night, but they'll be available from the spay/neuter clinic right down Sawtelle, near Pico.

In regards to spay/neuter.... DO IT! I waited with Spero, heeding the advice of multiple vets and her neurologist, and then.... her lady time hit. I spend every minute outside with her protecting her virtue, and every minute inside with her cleaning up her DNA. It's terribly un-fun, and as I have no intentions of breeding her, I'm just counting down the days until I can take her to the vet and get her lady parts modified for safety and reproductive security. The last thing this world needs is more wobbly, head bobbing, needy puppies from her womb. I now believe this photo by Saelee was simply foreshadowing...

I feel lucky to work for a company that takes a sincere interest in doing shows like this. Just last month GRSF had the Tree Show, an always fantastic group show that benefits Friends of the Urban Forest. We do shows like this when the group and the theme seems right. I'm proud of pretty much every show that rolls out of the gate, but these shows make me the proudest. I'm always proud of the artists who step up to participate, the people who make time to come out for the receptions, and the organizations who take a chance on GR.

2009 seems to be the year for getting back in touch with my long hibernating activist spirit. I went to an orientation session for tutoring in Echo Park at 826 LA, am planning on going to an informational session at City Hall about how to get involved in local politics, and volunteered at Hollywood Hill event featuring the current economic challenges facing Rwanda.

The night about Rwanda moved me more than anything I've listened in on in a really long time. The speaker was Josh Ruxin, the director of Millenium Villages Project Rwanda. There was an amazing audience in attendance, including several people who had spent time in Rwanda and proposed challenging insights about the situation there.

I'm as guilty as the next person about living in a bubble, forgetting about the world outside of mine. I think years as an animal rights activist didn't help much either. It's only been in recent years that I've taken any interest at all in human issues. I'm getting softer in my old age.

The Millenium Villages Project Rwanda struck a chord with my values and feelings about cultural sensitivity, development from within, and the importance of building communities that become self-reliant and united in growth. During the course of the presentation, I wondered what someone like me could do - someone on the other end of the globe, without a lot of capital - but by its conclusion, I felt empowered by receiving the knowledge that Josh shared. His presentation was hopeful, and not some generic HOPE on a t-shirt hopeful, but truly optimistically inspirational. After learning that in a country with such a dark history - with so many cards stacked against it - there is so much promise for its people to forge a new path, I was forced to think about the opportunities I have to empower others... with or without a lot of capital.

Keep an eye out for Hollywood Hill's upcoming project, Armchair Revolutionary. These folks are committed to making a difference by turning the opportunities they've been given (and earned) into opportunities for others.

I can't imagine a better way to life your life.

Challenge of the Lady Ninja

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 19:47:00 +0000

About a year ago, Tivo suggested that I watch a show called Ninja Warrior on G4. My first thought was that it was going to be one of those terrible dubbed-over shows that show American audiences that Asians are irrational and wacky - life in Japan is all work work work and then bizarre play in giant sumo suits. Thankfully G4 didn't go that route. They found a program that was a showcase of sincere dedication and superhuman skills with a splash of comedy. Sasuke is a tribute to a Japanese love affair with fitness and competition, and G4 does a pretty good job of keeping their airing of the show true to form.

For the uninitiated, the show is a series of obstacle courses. It presents challenges that call for agility and strength. The people who tend to persevere are Olympic gymnasts, professional athletes, and then a handful of "normal" people who have devoted their lives to training for the course. These normal people quit their jobs, build courses in their own backyards and train endlessly to run them. I'm pretty hooked on those stories, part of my fascination for people with passion. I've never been that dedicated to anything, and sometimes that makes me feel inadequate, but in the end, always a bit relieved. I watch these people move through obstacles like the Warped Wall and the Quintuple Step and I want them to make it, and of course, I wonder how I would fare in their shoes.

A friend at G4 sent an email that said the network was going to be setting up a simulated course in Santa Monica on a Saturday morning, and encouraged fans of the show to come out and get a chance to run it themselves. The day I got that email, I started training. I knew that I needed to build up my endurance and stamina. I have not-too-shabby upper body strength for a girl who doesn't hit the gym, and my legs are strong from horseback riding, but the muscles work differently than they do for other activities. The problem is... nothing in the mid-section of my body was prepared for a physical challenge! I needed to turn it out in a hurry. I started running, stretching, doing isometric exercises, and learning how to engage my reluctant core. There were about 11 days total of training, some more effective than others, but it felt pretty great to get moving and knowing that my body was changing for the better. As Saturday approached I felt like I was in better shape to give the course a good effort, even if I wasn't prepared to run up the sides of buildings or jump across rooftops.

Saturday morning David, Graham and I headed for the ocean. Buff Monster was going to meet us there to take a shot at the course as well. As we found our way to the back of the line that was forming around the course, we passed by production trailers, Venom Energy drink hype-models, a friend from the barn, and numerous parkour/free running enthusiasts plotting out the course.
There was a host from G4 there emceeing the event, not someone I would recommend for your own interactive public event, but she looked good behind a microphone, and the G4 crowd didn't seem to take too much notice of the jokes at their expense. Hot chicks can get away with that kind of thing. The first 4 hours there were spent watching people who weren't standing in the line around the barrier, run the course. It was becoming clear that this event was set up to promote the new season of Ninja Warrior by letting fans of the show watch G4 employees run the course. The crowd was not pleased.

It was hot with nothing to drink but Venom, we were anxious, and I was feeling like my training had all been for a frozen pipe dream that I could taste, but never lick and get my tongue stuck to. The line had been scattered and separated by passers-by cutting in to get a sideline view of the course, and it seemed like there was no end to the waiting. There were no interns or PA's getting people lined up and registered to run the course, the breaks between course runners could last between 60 seconds and 16 minutes, and as the time on my parking meter ran out, I felt like my patience had too.

Having friends in high places is always nice, but there's always an awkward time when you aren't sure if what was offered was a promise, a suggestion, or just another dangling carrot. This was one of those moments. I tried to stay objective, but my disappointment kicked my objectivity's ass, hardcore. I got pouty, dejected, and started talking to my crew about just bailing and going home. There were melodramatic details I won't go into, but in the end, two out of the three of us were rushed into the middle of the line to run the course. David moved my car from the meter to the parking lot, and I worked on losing the blues and building up the excitement again!

Eventually, Buff and I were in line between two mega-fan parkour dudes, and a couple of super-fans (because there is a difference between super and mega) behind us who just seemed really determined to kick ass. Ahead of all of us in line were more G4 employees, and then a crop of guys who had flown to LA from Mississippi and other places in different time zones, camped out in line at 4 am, and were more distraught than I was at the thought of not being able to run the course before it was shut down at 4 pm. The whole crowd was super stoked when these kids finally made it to the black astro-turf of the course. Best of all, these guys did really well running it!

A bunch of the people that were at the front of the line (the gen pub) line were die-hards, and also regular posters on the G4 message boards. They do a much better job of documenting the day than I can on the Ninja Warrior threads, and these are people who trained a lot more than 11 days... In retrospect, I'd rather have given up my spot in the line to let more of those guys get a chance at getting in, but you know what? I'm still really happy I gave it a try!

My run was pretty sad though... I couldn't reach the blocks for the first challenge, had to climb the scaffolding to make it up to the pipe slider, then I got stuck and had to drop to move on, fell off the cliff hanger, faked the spider walk, and by the time I got to the warped wall, I was finished. Without my glasses on, the drop in to the warped wall seemed ankle break-y, and I just kinda jogged back and forth on it until people finally stopped telling me to keep going.

You can see my story (somewhat edited) in photos here by Graham. In review I now know that instinctively, my body does nothing to propel itself forward when asked, and locking your knee when you fall from 7 or 8 feet up is not a good idea when you're trying to land on your feet.

Buff did a tremendous job on the course. He ran after I did, and was given a special helmet cam to capture his run. He totally destroyed on every challenge, but when he got to the warped wall, he could touch the top of the wall, but couldn't get a hold of it to pull himself over. For a guy who had never trained for this course, or anything like it, I was totally blown away, and SO proud. I'm pretty sure that Buff was meant to run the course before me, but being the friend that he is, he let me go first since he knew how excited I was to run it. Now, maybe he just knew that he was going to kick ass on it, and didn't want me to feel like a total loser. *sniff* Truly though, I was so proud of him for trying it out and doing great. I was proud of myself too, but I would have been a lot prouder if I could have made it through at least ONE challenge. *sob. sniff*

There was much suffering on Saturday. I hyper-extended my knee, Buff twisted an ankle, and David got a terrible sunburn, but all in all it was a pretty great weekend for me. My knee is all healed up now, and I'm slowly getting back into the "training" program I was in before the run on the course.

Maybe by the time the footage from American Ninjafest 4 actually airs on June 21st, I'll be able to do two whole pull ups and run a 2 minute mile!

Praxis 1994-2009

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 01:03:00 +0000

I thought my next blog post was going to be a massive thank you to everyone who participated and publicized the fund-raising auction, and I hate to to take away from that, but then yesterday happened. The picture above is the last one to be taken of him.

As I had to with Esther, I set some ground rules for the end. Praxis had to have the desire to eat, get up on his own, and keep his curly tail up and his eyes bright. If those things slipped away, I needed to let Praxis go. With his body being filled up with cancer I couldn't see, I needed to know when enough was enough for him. Yesterday two of those three things were gone, and I spent the whole day agonizing over how to move forward. Praxis' breathing was labored, all day long. When he wasn't coughing the hacking cough he's had for the last couple of months, he paced around the room restlessly, panting until he exhausted himself and fell into a deep sleep. The sleeping didn't last long, maybe 10 minutes, and then he was back to pacing, coughing and panting. Every cough hurt me too, and as I called City of Angels to see if I could bring Praxis in, I knew that this was a turning point.

My good friend and neighbor, Jeannette called me to see how I was doing, knowing that Praxis was having a hard day, and volunteered to take me to the vet. I took her up on her offer. I was alone when I put Esther to sleep, but I wasn't sure that I could make it home okay if I had to let Praxis go. City of Angels called back and Dr. Rosenberg told me that she would stay late for us to see what Praxis was up against. Jeannette got to my house and I carried Praxis to her car, laid him on my chest and we started the drive to Culver City.

As soon as I was in the door, the staff at City of Angels were on their feet. I handed Praxis off and went into the back, where only Praxis had ever been with the vet techs, and within seconds, 6 people were present to assist with an oxygen mask, heart monitor, and hands ready to help. Praxis was in the middle of a coughing fit when he came in, and everyone was there to help him. Dr. Rosenberg asked me to go up front by his head to calm him, and let him know I was there. I held his head in my hands and tried to bring him back down. Dr. Rosenberg listened to his chest, which gave off a rattle with every short breath, and asked to do a chest x-ray. A month before, I had passed on an earlier chest x-ray to save money for chemo after a discussion with one of his doctors. It was clear then, that regardless of what the mass in his chest looked like, the chemo was the best way to bring it back into remission. I was faced with a choice between an expensive x-ray or spending what I had then on chemo. The whole process of chemotherapy has been a balancing act - deciding what road to go down with the resources available. Gambling with the therapies and hoping that the one we chose would be the one his body needed to beat the cancer.

The chest x-ray showed that not only had the mass in his chest reappeared, but some fluid had entered into one of the lobes of his lungs. He was still getting enough oxygen, he was working furiously with his breathing to get it, but the process was making him miserable. For a moment we talked about options - radiation therapy, or the introduction of new protocols that Praxis had not been exposed to yet. I was open to hear anything Dr. Rosenberg put out there, but all I wanted to do for Praxis was find out what would make him feel better right then and there. That option didn't exist. The radiation would put a strain on Praxis, when he wasn't in a stable place, and just like the chemotherapy, there was no guarantee of any positive effect against the cancer. Eventually we would back where we were and this decision would have to be made again.

Unless I could take Praxis' pain away, I didn't want to put him through anything more. I felt like he was gone already. He seemed far away from me, all he could do was fight for breath, and when he could stop, he wouldn't make eye contact and only wanted to sleep. It hurt to hear each breath, and I knew that I had to let him go.

The staff and Dr. Rosenberg took us to a more comfortable room with a sofa, chair, and rug. There was a small fountain in the corner, and I thought about how many hearts had been broken in this space. Somehow, it didn't feel poisoned by loss, but as soon as that door opened, I felt time moving away from me.

I got on the floor with Praxis, trying to keep him horizontal, but cradled, to keep him from coughing again. I had him stretched out on my lap, and curled over him. I held him as tightly as I could, and soaked his head in tears. I could feel myself inhaling his fur, and my legs were falling asleep, but all I could think about was the time that was slipping away from me. Moving would cause him the discomfort that would trigger his coughing and it wasn't a sound I could bear hearing again. If he was leaving, I wanted him to leave without anymore pain. I was torn between wanting to get up and run out of the room with him, and wanting them to walk in the door that second and take his pain away. Every time my mind moved between those places, I broke down some more. There was nothing in the world except for Praxis. I only remembered that Jeannette was there, or that my phone was sounding off with thoughtful and concerned messages from friends, when I lifted my head from Praxis' and caught a breath of air. I needed reality though.. to remember why were there. Why this decision had been made.

When they came into the room and asked if we were ready, I remember saying yes. If you gave me another 15 years with Praxis, I still wouldn't have been ready to let him go, but I felt like there was nothing else I could do. I had to move Praxis around a bit, being careful to keep him from coughing. The first attempts at getting the needle into a vein were kind of terrible. He kept pulling his leg back, trying to fight what was happening. If he had been more present in that moment I would have felt like he was afraid. His eyes were so dull though... everything was already gone from them.

Eventually the needle was in. Under sedation, I felt him sigh as the drug slowed his panting. I held him tighter and tighter, knowing that in seconds he was going to be gone completely. With the struggling breath gone, I could finally feel his heartbeat. I closed my eyes as Dr. Rosenberg said the second injection was coming and clung onto Praxis. I wanted to freeze that moment, with Praxis heavy in my arms but still breathing. As soon as I thought of holding on, he was already gone. His body became heavy in my arms, and his life melted away from his body, and from me.

I sat there with him for a long time... I'm not sure how long it was. I felt him get heavier, and watched the color leave his skin. He went from pink, to white, and I became afraid. Knowing that the last of the oxygen in his body was gone meant that I was finally alone. I was afraid to move him. I knew that his body would eliminate whatever was left inside of him. I lifted his face and chest up, to see his face again and felt a wetness on my leg. It was time to let him go. Jeannette went to get someone there to take him. She told me later that they said I should leave him there. Without having to ask, she knew that I couldn't leave him. She gave me more time with him, and then went out to get help again. Eventually they came in, and I got up off the ground with Praxis in my arms, and handed him over.

I slept in fits and starts lastnight. I got calls from friends and family, and while I knew I wasn't alone, I felt lonelier than I had in a very long time. There was a silence in the house that was cold, and that coldness was inside of me as well.

Today has felt like sleepwalking. I want to be able to immerse myself in memories of Praxis, and pay tribute to the love he gave me, and brought into my life, but I can't get away from feeling crippled without him. I hope that writing about yesterday will help me move through this feeling, and into the place where I can open up without feeling raw. To survive this, I need to figure out how to let my memories of him give me strength instead of sadness.

A sincere and grateful thank you to everyone who has ever said a kind word about Praxis, given him a loving pat on the head, held him, or let him shed his fuzz all over their lap. A thank you to everyone who took interest in the fundraiser that not only helped him, but other dogs (and human friends) who are walking down the same path we just stepped off of. A thank you to everyone who texted, called, emailed and sent a thought our way yesterday. A thank you to Jeannette for being a strong and true friend during an incredibly difficult time.

A thank you to my Dad who brought Praxis into my life, and most heartfelt of all thanks to Praxis for giving me 15 years of love, loyalty, kindness, patience and joy. You're still here, but only because knowing, loving and caring for you has become a part of who I am. At your kindest and gentlest, I was reminded how to be compassionate and patient. You never gave me a moment of anger or frustration, and you were there to give me comfort through my lowest lows and share excitement through my highest highs. There's never going to be another dog like you, and I'm sure I'll learn how to be grateful for having you for a short time instead of wanting more, but seems like the hardest thing in the world to do right now.

Ely Kim We Like Him!!

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 00:31:00 +0000

I woke up today with a case of the minor blues. Hard to wrap my head around it though, especially after the joy I'd been feeling since last weekend, from the outpouring of support, friendship and generosity that I've seen around the Praxis Show. It's hard to be bummed out about much when friends are stepping up in ways you've never imagined, and strangers are getting involved as well.

This weekend was a rough one for Praxis though. While the online auction was going strong, and friends from all over were helping to spread the word, Praxis was struggling with the swelling of his mandibular lymph nodes, and a possible enlargment of the mass in his chest. We took it easy, and bumped up our appointment at City of Angels to this morning instead of Thursday. Dr. Tan-Coleman filled in for Dr. Davis and helped me make the decision to continue on with a chemotherapy protocol that won't be too harsh on Praxis, but could potentially reduce the swelling of his lymph nodes and get him feeling back to a little more like normal. He has medication for his coughing now, and he's back on prednisone to get him feeling better. I'm feeling better as well. With the auction doing well, I feel like I have options again, and that I don't have to make any harsh decisions about his care. That feeling of hopelessness is gone.

A deep and heartfelt thank you to everyone who has made that possible for us.

To bounce back from all of that this morning, I devoted some time this afternoon to checking out the 9 and a half minutes of joy created by one of LA's Best Dancers (currently on loan to the East Coast), Ely Kim.

Check out Boombox.

BOOMBOX from Ely Kim on Vimeo.

Wish that you were dancing right now.

Know that you look hot on the dancefloor, but that you have to try even harder to look hotter than Ely.

Next time you get a chance to dance, don't pass it by!

The Praxis Show

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 22:55:00 +0000

For the next seven days, you can view and bid on ebay for artwork by some of my favorite artists. They have created and/or donated work inspired by my dog, Praxis. Most of these artists have met Praxis, or know how much he's meant to me, and donated their time and talent to my effort to raise funds to pay for Praxis' chemotherapy and other medical bills after he was diagnosed with lymphoma in May 2008.

I've held on to these for a while, maybe too long, and I only kind of know why. Since the diagnosis, I've been in a strange state trying to wrap my head around losing a loved one to an illness like cancer. You have to accept that there's no cure, and that treatment can buy you time, but there's never a guarantee of quality of life, and certainly no sense of how long that time will last. Engaging in this artwork, all of it capturing some part of Praxis and my love for him, brings that home for me... and I'm not always strong enough to find a way to deal with the loss that's looming ahead. I think part of me also wants to keep it all!! Each piece is so fantastic... truly. This is a talented bunch and I'm incredibly lucky to have these folks as friends. This is an exciting time in my life. This is the first time I've had so many creative friends who are successful in their endeavors and inspire the same in others.

The work ranges from oil paintings to gooco prints and is a diverse collection of talents and styles, and 10% of the proceeds will go to The Magic Bullet Fund to help other pet owners find funds for expensive cancer treatments. It's a terrible feeling to have... to not be able to afford something that can help an animal you've loved and cared for. It made me feel powerless and disloyal. That was afwul, and I hate to think of anyone being in that position.

Check out the auctions on eBay!

Please enjoy the work. You can check it out on ebay, or on my flickr page. Bid if you feel so inclined and spread the word! Participating artists include Jeffrey Brown, David Horvath & Sun Min Kim, Martin Ontiveros, Seonna Hong, Christiaan van Bremen, Martin Cendreda, Silvio Porretta, and Susie Ghahremani.

Dee's Nuts

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 17:27:00 +0000

Today's a busy day, my day off from the store and my day to cram everything I can't normally get done in my waking hours for the rest of the week. The day has begun with a 4 hour wait window for the Gas Company to come and turn on my wall furnace. As soon as that wait is over I'm heading out to GR Silverlake and then I'm going to go hunt down some vegan donuts, cinnamon rolls and cookies from Dee's Bakery.

I'm not sure if I can afford large quantities of these things, but pay day is coming up, so I'm going to get a little of everything. Thanks Daily Candy for inspiring a diabetic coma today... Feel fre ro send me flowers in the hospital, preferably from some hip florist who used to be a sucessful graphic designer, but is now following their lifelong dream of arranging orchids for people in Los Feliz.

I'm a huge fan of vegan junk food. When I became vegan, after a short lived stint of avoiding all things white (flour, sugar, and... I can't believe I ever did this... rice) I learned that I could subsist just fine in the regular grocery store by buying generic versions of junk food favorites. Now I'm a little wiser about what I eat, my aging metabolism has forced such consideration on me, but I still do some shopping at the 99 Cents Only store for cookies, salty snacks and random caloric black holes.

The maple cookies that cost me 99 cents in Lincoln Heights are a decent substitute for the vegan glazed donuts I used to chow down on in St. Paul, MN, but aren't as exciting as the Maple and Baco-Bit donuts from Voo Doo Donuts in Portland, OR. We'll see how Dee's Donuts stack up. I'm going to be bummed if they're expensive AND healthy tasting.

Okay, time to stay optimistic and more importantly, hungry. Despite the warnings on Oprah yesterday, about skipping a high protein breakfast, I'm going to have a lunch of sticky sweetness from Downtown LA.

Gene Therapy

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 08:59:00 +0000

I had a strange daydream today, while I was doing dishes. I was thinking about how I need to protect Spero's chastity for another month before she gets spayed, and how I need to let Jenny know too since she'll be watching her this weekend. I'd hate to get her knocked up... repeating her mother's mistakes.

Then I went on to realize that I had this fertile dog on my hands, with a pristine womb... just what I would need to produce a Praxis clone!! I wondered about whether or not there's a way to cultivate enough genetic material to make up some sort of Frankenstein Praxis sperm and then artificially inseminate Spero eggs with them to create the world's most perfect dog.

(photo from the show "In the Womb:Dogs")

I'm not sure it would work. I watched a thing on the National Geographic Channel on Friday, while I was laid up from a bad fall. After being injured in an accident that involved a large animal, I was compelled to watch television about animals for the next couple of hours to avoid falling asleep with a possible concussion. More on this later, back to Praxis' Frankenstein sperm!

So, if you watched the show, you'll remember all the weird stuff about dog's penises becoming engorged and getting stuck in lady dog's vaginas, and that it's because dog sperm has to fight a lot harder to get a dog knocked up than a primate. The eggs hang back and aren't ready for fertilization, a bunch of the sperm are defective (on the cat version of this show they showed lion sperm that had three heads and tails that didn't know how to swim) and in general it's a process that takes a lot of time and having a penis stuck in a dog's vagina helps that along, as well as preventing the insertion of other penises into the same vagina.

Somehow this has turned into me saying penis and vagina a lot...

Remembering what I learned from cable television I thought about just implanting eggs fertilized with Praxis clones, and maybe keeping his genetic legacy pure, but then that started to get more complicated than the in-vitro babies I was imagining.

(I had a lot of dishes to do.)

I pondered the pros and cons of cloning, as we all must do in this modern age.

Con: Cloning is expensive, and I'm still broke from vet bills 6 months ago.
Con: I'd be super bummed if with Spero's body wasn't able to handle a pregnancy - her hind legs are too uncoordinated to jump up on the couch, so how's she going to handle labor and running around taking care of her brood of perfect puppies. It's a lot of pressure to put on one dog.
Con: There was this episode of This American Life about a guy who cloned his favorite, most gentle, and affectionate bull, and the evil clone tried to kill him. More than once I think.

Pro: Having a whole pack of mini Praxis' to last me another lifetime.

Pro with a hidden Con: Being reminded that there's only one Praxis, and he's irreplaceable.

Right around that crucial weighing of checks and balances in my mind, Praxis and Spero came tearing into the kitchen, fresh from a round of wrasslin' they started in the living room. Spero's ears were covered in Praxis slobber, and Praxis was panting and winded trying to keep up with Spero's relentless quest for his attention.

I'm still working really hard on appreciating the time I have with Praxis, and just going moment by moment and day by day, but it's hard not to want something more now that things are winding down. The cancer isn't going to go away. His lymph nodes are prominent. They feel like two hard grapes stuck on either side of his throat. I try to avoid them when I pet him. It doesn't hurt him when I touch them, but it hurts me. We're in the bailout leg of the chemotherapy now. Trying to buy him a couple more months, but not at the expense of his comfort. These final treatments will help him fight the negative affects of the cancer - hopefully give him some more energy so he can keep up as normal a life as he feels inclined to, and keep those lymph nodes from growing to the size of walnuts instead of grapes.

I'm happy with a few more months. Happier now that I've had since May to keep him with me. Happy that he's taking to Spero and gets to nurture her as well as me with his kindness and his patience. I'm happy I get to witness moments like these...

I just want more of them.

Giving is Easier than Receiving

noreply@blogger.com (gr) — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 01:43:00 +0000

It's true. It's easier to help someone than it is to ask for help. Well... at least it is for me. I assume I'm not alone in this. Here's a chance for you to work out your giving/receiving muscles - drop off some donated items at GR2 or GR Silverlake for Aviva Family and Children's Services! They do good things all year long, and they're probably like everyone else right now, working really hard to try to make resources last and keep spirits up.

I've got a couple more bags full of new and gently used stuff that I know someone will appreciate more than I will, and I'm sure you've got some items too. Drop them off, feel good about helping someone who needs it, and ponder on the grandness of the bigger picture - how when we honor others, give more and find more value in people than we do in things, then we're giving ourselves the best gift of all.

Here's Aviva's wish list for the holidays:

Gifts ideas for teenage girls in residence
Back packs (always needed)
Batteries (always needed)
Beauty items
Board games – all ages
Books – fiction and non-fiction – all ages
Boom box radios or alarm clock radios
Calendars
Card games – Uno, Old Maid, Go Fish
CD boombox
Costume jewelry
Desk lamps
Diaries / Journals (very popular with the girls)
Discmans
Gift certificates to fast food places, book/music, clothing stores
Hair accessories
Jewelry appropriate for teen girls
Lotions and body splashes
Nail polish sets
Make-up sets
Night lights - plastic
Phone cards with maximum 30 minutes
Phone book/organizers
Photo frames, albums, scrapbooks & supplies Arts & craft supplies
Posters – movies, motivational; music
School supplies – needed for high school students
Storage containers for personal items (cute for room)
Toy characters Disney/Warner Bros./Sesame St.
Videos & DVDs – PG –PG13 movies/music concerts

For our foster children – boys and girls 0-18
Action figures
Arts and craft kits
Baby clothes and toys
Basketballs
Board games – all ages
Boom boxes
Cars and trucks (Remote operated, Micro etc)
Cologne and perfume popular with teens
Discmans
Dolls – Barbie and other type – all ethnic groups
Gift certificates to fast food places, book/music, clothing
Learning toys (baby to primary grades)
Lego’s or building toys
Phone book/organizers
Posters – movies, motivational; music
Pre-school toys like Fisher Price
Puzzles – all ages
Stuffed animals and beanie babies
Toy cars
Toy characters - Disney/Warner Bros./Sesame St.
Watches – ladies and men’s for teens

Activity supplies needed
Balls – volley and basketball, Nerf
Beads and baubles for projects
Craft project sets (jewelry, scrap booking)
Gym mats for yoga
Magazine subscriptions appropriate for teen girls