When was the last time you POOPED YOUR PANTS?

[Zaius]

I'm not talkin' about just your average squishy fart that leaves skid marks. I mean actual Mass near the Ass, a load that you had to carry around until you could find a little privacy to take care of it?

I'll go first, I think it was either first or second grade. For some reason I had to go really bad all day but the bathrooms at school scared me or something. (I still have issues with public toilets, but that's another thread) I was walking home in SERIOUS PAIN just concentrating "I can make it. I can make it. etc." and about halfway home it just Let Go. It wasn't squishy or anything, but now I had a turd in my pants and I had to make it four more blocks to my house without anyone seeing the bulge on my heinder or noticing the fact that I was walking kinda bowlegged. As I remember I made it back home to the bathroom without my mom seeing. I must have destroyed the evidence because I don't remember my Mom ever saying anything. It must have been pretty traumatic because I can remember how humiliated I was even now.
Now it's just amusing party conversation (I don't get invited out much).

All right. I know that you all are a bunch of nasty muthafuckas out there. Let's see you top my story of personal degredation. Don't leave me hangin'!!

[Umbilicus]

what possessed you to post that? if anything like that ever happened to me, i'd never tell anyone and let the story die with me. that is all.

[Ryan]

Originally posted by Zaius


I'll go first, I think it was either first or second grade

yeeeah right buddy...it was last week wasnt it? cmooon its okaaay heheheh

anyway too many peopl give themselves hell when they dont wanna poop in a public stall..hey man if you gotta go you gotta go...no shame and no limit, its what theyre there for, my friends in highschool used to think i was crazy for doin it at school but at least im not havin a heart attack tryin to keep it in the whole day...
im just tryin to keep it regular nah mean!

[kamenriderv3]

I'm not going to tell you guys about embarrassing stories about me.




It was last night. What a mess!

one night i screwed this underage girl, I was drunk! When I woke up in the morning i was alone in her bed, except for this giant pile of turd. I think it came from me.

I tried to sneak it out of the house, but got startled by her dad and threw the poo all over everything...

wait, maybe that was amovie

[frogbelly]

hhhhhmnnnnnuuuunnnnngggnnnhhhhhhhhhhhgggggrrrr*#$%&%*@$&@!!!!!!

Just now.

[jen_er_ator]

i never pooped my pants (there were some close calls though)
but i do remember being like, four, and i pooped in the bathtub. they were floating, and i was backed up against the wall trying to keep my little feet from touching them. i must've been crying or screaming because my mom came busting in (why she wasn't there with me is beyond me) and i think i got a spanking for that one. i don't know why i remember that, you'd think that one would have been pushed far back into my subconscious or something, but every once in a while the image of floating turds pops into my head. it's sad, i know.

Public restrooms scare me, but i will go if i have to. I just usually sit there hoping that no one will come in. It sucks when you get all sweaty and your mouth starts to water like you're gonna throw up, but only the vomit is going to come out the other end and you know you better take care of it soon or else you will be banned for life from wherever you are at the moment. That happened to me a few weeks ago on my 5 poo day. Someone walked into the bathroom (only one stall) and then after a minute left. it was one of the chicks sitting at a booth next to mine, and boy did i feel like the stank came out following me and smacked her in the face, because the look she gave me was one of pure horror. like she doesn't poop!! I wanted to be like "Bitch! Like your shit don't stink!" but instead i sank into my seat while my boyfriend asked if i was ok in between roars of laughter.

And i hate people who act like their poo don't stink, or like they never have emergencies in public places. Come on!

[Umbilicus]

enough talk, post pics of your mistakes!

[jen_er_ator]

my boy knows all about my poo problems and such. he gets to witness at least 90% of my uncomfortableness (not the poops, just the pre-i-gotta-poo-now! show) we are truly in love and you can tell because we fart in front of each other all the time. four years is way too long to hold your farts in. it's not worth it.

[kamenriderv3]

Aiiiyah! Holding in a fart for that long would be a Guiness world record. ;-]

You wouldn't happen to be a piano virtuoso would you? That turd in the tub story may mean something.

[jen_er_ator]

Originally posted by kamenriderv3
Aiiiyah! Holding in a fart for that long would be a Guiness world record. ;-]

You wouldn't happen to be a piano virtuoso would you? That turd in the tub story may mean something.

Yes, it would be a world record if you didn't die from all the poisonous methane streaming through your system!! and yeah, my mom made me play piano from the time i was 3 until i quit in fourth grade because my piano instructor emotionally abused me (that's my side of the story, and i'm stickin to it!!) but what does that have to do with floating brown betties in the tub?

[kamenriderv3]

Haven't seen it but I heard the movie Shine had a tub pooping scene. Your story made me think of that.

Attack submarines!

[jen_er_ator]

here's somethin that happened to me the other day....(you need to scroll to the right to see it...get your barf bags ready)

http://members5.clubphoto.com/_cgi-bin/fetch.cgi/////choco381018/poo-poo/jpg/1/1.jpg

[Edited by jen_er_ator on 06-10-2001 at 05:58 PM]

[frogbelly]

Jen, I know that big dog isn't yours. That is some foul shit.
Once I was trying on some clothes at a large department store. The dressing room had fabric doors that you slide closed like a shower curtain. As I was making my way down to an empty room I spotted a very large black women wiping her ass with the fabric door. She had just laid I nice sweet fat one on the floor. I immediately ran out of there never to return. Poor employees had to clean it up I'm sure. If you gotta turn your squirrel loose the least you could do was go in a bag or something.

[Mikio4]

Originally posted by frogbelly
Jen, I know that big dog isn't yours. That is some foul shit.
Once I was trying on some clothes at a large department store. The dressing room had fabric doors that you slide closed like a shower curtain. As I was making my way down to an empty room I spotted a very large black women wiping her ass with the fabric door. She had just laid I nice sweet fat one on the floor. I immediately ran out of there never to return. Poor employees had to clean it up I'm sure. If you gotta turn your squirrel loose the least you could do was go in a bag or something.

What a fucking drag to be the guy that has to clean that shit up. I don't think I could handle that job. I have the most glorious shit story but am currently not brave enough to share even in the anonymity of cyberspace (although most of my friends have heard it).

[Captain Cactus]

Last time I filled my pants I was in Kindergarten and it was pretty early in the morning when I got the URGE right in the middle of class, but instead of asking if I could go use the crapper, I layed waste in my Wranglers. I got bummed.

The load of shit was squished up against my ass all day, so I pretty much had to avoid everyone at recess so they wouldn't know that the smell was coming from me, even though you could totally whiff it in class. The AC must've been blowing it around, disguising from which ass it was coming from. So at recess, I was like - no that's cool, I don't wanna play right now, I just like hanging out over here all by myself.

The next day we were supposed to go to a field trip, so the teacher advised us that we all needed to take showers before we showed up for our little trip because one of us kids smelled like a filthy barbarian.

After school let out, I got into my Mom's car and she immediately said - did you shit your pants? Boy was she pissed!

[jen_er_ator]

bwahahahaha!!!!! that's gotta be the worst...poor little kindergardners. my spelling sucks, and that's why i am not hooked on phonics...mikio, i don't know why you're so bashful

[Captain Cactus]

Mikio needs to vent

[shawn_k]

i know this is the opposite of shitting in the pants, but i had this girlfriend who couldn't shit while i was around. her parents went out of town for a week once, so i stayed with her the entire time. i guess she ended up holding it for the duration. needless to say she came down with some serious stomach pains, and had to see a doctor. that was 7 or 8 years ago. i hope she's overcome her problem and is living a normal life.

[shagwerks]

Hello. My name is Shag, and i'm a pants pooper.

It all started one fateful day in 1992, i was 19 or 20 years old. Can't remember. I was at work with a couple firneds and we were sitting around, talking about this or that, just killing time. Well, in comes one of my other friends with a big bag of candy. Andes mints, it said on the little foil and paper wrappers. Mint chocoloate is groovy, so i helped myself to three or four. My friends took none - of course, i was too busy stuffing my face to notice.

So we go out on the town not lnog after, hanging out at some little bar and watching the girlies dance around and suddenly - i set down my beer. My stomach starts rumbling harsh. What the fuck? I looked around, only one bathroom (most Korean old skool clubs have one bathroom - toilet and a urinal, and everyone comes and goes whenever). So i said, no way. I ain't going in there to sit on some nasty poopmachine. So i tried to hold it in. More beer ensued. My friends kept nonchalant about it and on the sly. But they knew what was up.

Finally, the angry turtlehead of doom started to peek its way out and i said, "It's be fun - but i gotta run." And started loping back carefully toward the base. You know that walk - when you gotta go, but you don't wanna go right there in the street? I had that, and tell me people didn't notice. Clearing the gates to the base i decided to high tail it home and well - about a block before i got to my barracks, i unleashed. Ew. It was nasty. I spent the next six hours on the pooper - book in hand. Andes mints my ass - those were Ex-Lax.

[frogbelly]

My ex girlfriend had an thing she used to do. She was “piss-drunk” one night after being overserved at her favorite bar. She came over to my house and snuggled next to me for some shuteye. A few hours later I awoke to feel my hand filling up with warm liquid. The old gal had pissed on my and my new mattress. I tried to wake her drunk ass but she wouldn’t budge. So I slipped a towel under her and spent the rest of the night on the couch. She woke up the later that morning really embarrassed and we had a laugh about it. But then it happened again a few weeks later! I was pissed, no pun intended, she wouldn’t wake up so I slipped a towel under her and proceeded to sleep on the couch again. Later that morning I made her strip the sheets, scrub the mattress and see about some sort of Depends Undergarments in the future.My ex looked exactly like Jennifer Jason Leigh and we she used to be acosted when we were out on dates by mobs of people wanting autographs and pictures taken with her. She would explain to them that she wasn’t Jennifer but no one would listen. After a while she would just agree and everyone would smile and think they just met a celebrity. I would tell them that this famous actress liked to pee on me. That got a few laughs and some looks. All in a day’s work. Thank you and good morning

[empanadamn]

Originally posted by Captain Cactus
Last time I filled my pants I was in Kindergarten and it was pretty early in the morning when I got the URGE...

URGE?! ( ( (urge...urge...) ) )

she's got the urge!
she's got the urge to herbal (herbal!)
________
no2 review (http://vaporizer.org/reviews/no2/)

[frogbelly]

Oh yeah my friend is a Sound Technician and he can play frequencies that will make people need to go to the bathroom. I think it would be neat to play a song that would make a girl lose her chocolate.

[Decadent1]

Originally posted by empanadamn
Originally posted by Captain Cactus
Last time I filled my pants I was in Kindergarten and it was pretty early in the morning when I got the URGE...

URGE?! ( ( (urge...urge...) ) )

she's got the urge!
she's got the urge to herbal (herbal!)

(in a deep voice) natural botanicals

[Captain Cactus]

Originally posted by Decadent1
Originally posted by empanadamn
Originally posted by Captain Cactus
Last time I filled my pants I was in Kindergarten and it was pretty early in the morning when I got the URGE...

URGE?! ( ( (urge...urge...) ) )

she's got the urge!
she's got the urge to herbal (herbal!)

(in a deep voice) natural botanicals

damn, it's just all about poopin' my pants, yo.

[Zaius]

Damn...I was really wondering how this thread would go...I gotta say, some awesome poop stories. I think shagwerks takes the cake for most vivid so far, I have so much respect for you, dude. Jen, arch, Captain..you all rock hard as well. Mikio...you CAN NOT just post that you have a great story and not tell it. I mean COME ON!!!!!

[jen_er_ator]

Originally posted by frogbelly
Oh yeah my friend is a Sound Technician and he can play frequencies that will make people need to go to the bathroom. I think it would be neat to play a song that would make a girl lose her chocolate.

hahaha!!! the brown note!!!! bwahahahahaha!!!!
*wiping tears from eyes* oh jeez. i love south park.

[Mikio4]

Alright. I don't have time to do this right now, but I'll get to it later. I guarantee it is the king of all shit stories. I guess I posted eaarlier to get people on my back. Since nobody I know who might conceivably read this doesn't already know the story I guess I have nothing to lose (except any sense of dignity I have remaining).

[jen_er_ator]

sorry mikio, stalling isn't gonna get us off your back, in fact, i think you might've stirred the can of worms a bit!
WHERE'S THE POO STORY MIKIO??? WHERE! WHERE!!! Just spill it for the sake of jebus!!!

[shagwerks]

Not only did i post my poop - but i even posted my farts for the world to enjoy. C'mon Mikio! Out with it! Brapppppp! Plop! Ewww... damn, my best pants.

[jen_er_ator]

ok, here's another story, but maybe not as funny...
for our senior prank my friends and i were gonna play a supah-nasty prank on our principal. here was the plan...
ok first, i have to tell you that our principal's name was dick smith, and he was a total dickhead (but i guess that was implied, huh?)
my friend cary and i were gonna wear dresses w/no panties on and stop dick smith in the hall and start talking to him. then, we would just poop right there while my other friend, erika, would walk by and puke all over him. we were really serious about this for like, a week. then erika backed out cuz she didn't think she'd be able to vomit on command, and then i backed out cuz i didn't want to walk around the whole rest of the day with even a second of poo butt against my dress. i'm sure we woulda been committed right then and there, but still...
i wish i had solid enough poop these days to even consider doing that to someone i totally hated. would you guys be totally repulsed if someone just had poop fall out of them when they were talking to you? the thought makes me laugh. HA!

[Decadent1]

Originally posted by jen_er_ator
ok, here's another story, but maybe not as funny...
for our senior prank my friends and i were gonna play a supah-nasty prank on our principal. here was the plan...
ok first, i have to tell you that our principal's name was dick smith, and he was a total dickhead (but i guess that was implied, huh?)
my friend cary and i were gonna wear dresses w/no panties on and stop dick smith in the hall and start talking to him. then, we would just poop right there while my other friend, erika, would walk by and puke all over him. we were really serious about this for like, a week. then erika backed out cuz she didn't think she'd be able to vomit on command, and then i backed out cuz i didn't want to walk around the whole rest of the day with even a second of poo butt against my dress. i'm sure we woulda been committed right then and there, but still...
i wish i had solid enough poop these days to even consider doing that to someone i totally hated. would you guys be totally repulsed if someone just had poop fall out of them when they were talking to you? the thought makes me laugh. HA!

Did anybody else get turned on by this story? By God I am a sick motherfucker.

[Mikio4]

Alright. I've just purged my bowels and I'm ready to go. This story occurred at one of the more inopportune times imaginable, but I will say now that I got away with it. I was at my family reunion on my dad's side. It was a large gathering of perhaps 300 people. Most of them were complete strangers to me; I knew perhaps 40 people who were my cousins, aunts and uncles. It was on the outskirts of the small (maybe 5000 people) town where my great grandparents grew up. The park area we were at had a building where there was a dining area and a lower level. We ate and then were just hanging out. There were people milling around all over the place catching up or figuring out how they were related. I saw that some of my cousins and aunts were throwing and hitting a ball around out on the baseball diamond that was a coupla hundred yards away from the building. I walked out there to hang out and play some catch, but when I almost got there I felt a rather urgent demand from my colon. The kind where you know you had better get to the can. This was totally out of the blue but I figured well I'll just go back to the building's crapper. Well I start walking back quickly but it's not urgent yet. I go about 50 yards and I think damn maybe I'll hit the outhouse (which was between the 2 fields) here since I'm gonna go right by it anyway, but one of my cousins was already laying cable and that was when I realized that perhaps my sitauation was a bit more urgent than I might have thought. I start to walk as quick as I can while clinchin my ass as tight as I can. I'm mentally counting down the yards and when I'm about 15 yards from the building it all goes terribly wrong. With each step I take my bowels are overpowering my clenching ass and filling my shorts. This happens for the next 6 or 7 steps as I continue my single minded trek to the bathroom. Now here is where I am thankful for 2 things. One, that I was wearing tighty whiteys (which I had largely phased out in favor of boxers at this point) and two that the bathroom stall was unoccupied. My cousin who was about 8 or 9 at the time was on his way out of the can but I played it as cool as someone with shitpants can and got in the stall. The spill was largely still contained (if I had been wearing boxers it literally would have been running down my legs as I was walking by dozens of people). I managed to clean my self up pretty good and freeballed it the rest of the day. I was a bit self-conscious despite it all, especially when I was talking to my cousin who I saw in the bathroom, but everything came out alright in the end (har har). I felt bad leaving my shit filled underwear in the garbage for some poor guy to clean up but what can ya do? Oh, and one other thing, I was 22 at the time. So concludes my shit story.

This is not my story so it's not as good, but I will share it here too. A pal of mine was on a flight to England a few years back and he noted a rather tall, stern German looking woman on the plane, not in small parts due to her ankle length leather skirt. When the plane took off, apparently she shit herself and had to make an emergency run back to the bathroom with the shit dripping out of here skirt. My friend said as she went by the stench was overpowering, but there was a stewardess following a few feet behind spraying some chemical that instantly made the smell go away. He said she never returned to her seat. Can you imagine having to face a planeload of people who know you just shit your pants for an 8 hour flight? Man I'm glad I didn't get found out at the reunion, otherwise I would forever be "the guy that shit himself at the family reunion" to most of my relatives who I don't know.

[frogbelly]

Originally posted by Decadent1
Originally posted by jen_er_ator
ok, here's another story, but maybe not as funny...
for our senior prank my friends and i were gonna play a supah-nasty prank on our principal. here was the plan...
ok first, i have to tell you that our principal's name was dick smith, and he was a total dickhead (but i guess that was implied, huh?)
my friend cary and i were gonna wear dresses w/no panties on and stop dick smith in the hall and start talking to him. then, we would just poop right there while my other friend, erika, would walk by and puke all over him. we were really serious about this for like, a week. then erika backed out cuz she didn't think she'd be able to vomit on command, and then i backed out cuz i didn't want to walk around the whole rest of the day with even a second of poo butt against my dress. i'm sure we woulda been committed right then and there, but still...
i wish i had solid enough poop these days to even consider doing that to someone i totally hated. would you guys be totally repulsed if someone just had poop fall out of them when they were talking to you? the thought makes me laugh. HA!

Did anybody else get turned on by this story? By God I am a sick motherfucker.
Yeah the "gonna wear dresses with no panties part" made me wanna drop some change on the floor.

[Captain Cactus]

Fuck yeah! Thanks Mikio for unleashing. That made my day. If I ever shit my pants again, I'll have that story to refer to and that just makes the situation a little better. Just a little

[empanadamn]

the story that comes to mind was back in kindergarten. i was sitting at the round table, playing w/ blocks. i too had the wierd thing for public bathrooms, so i just shat there (shit + sat = shat). i remember thinking "poo poo pancake in the pants." i guess i just played it off for the rest of the day...

i've got a couple of pee stories. one was watching my grandpa eat a hamburger without his dentures in. i laughed so hard i just fell over and pissed myself. everyone was just looking at me strange. i think i was around 6 or so. the other was when i was in kindergarten, i ran home after school to take a piss (again, the thing w/ the school bathroom). i was trying to take my pants off, but i was rocking the hard to unlock button-fly type jeans. i tried to pull them over my sneakers, but it wasn't happening. i tried to hop-a-long cassidy, but ended up tripping and falling down, thereafter lying in a puddle of my own urine in the middle of the livingroom floor.

a friend of mine had a cousin who had shitting problems up to her highschool years. her cousins & brother used to call her "shitbird" and made up a song that went something like: "shit bird, i won't do what you tell me, shit bird..." or something to that effect. she would get upset and cry. it's ok, cos the girl was a biotch.

bye bye!


________
mazda rx-3 (http://www.ford-wiki.com/wiki/Mazda_RX-3)

[Zaius]

SAVED!

[Zaius]

Hey! New people need to post on here! Tell! Tell!

the last time i drank a case of rolling rock i "farted"

[jinzoningen]

Originally posted by atomiclotusbox
the last time i drank a case of rolling rock i "farted"

I hate it when the booty juice flows out when you least expect it to.

i was taken completely unaware. i had no idea what was lurking in my rectum. myself was actually embarrased of myself.

[AddictProne]

it's a sad state of affairs but for some reason I leak out of my ass. Now it's not that bad cause it isn't much, but some times I just scare myself with the number of times my ass is squishy and I go, "awwww fuck."

now as for pants pooping, that happens about once a month for me. Not major poopage but enough that I have to remove my shorts ASAP and get a fresh pair on.

savor it.

[macphisto]

Originally posted by Ryan

yeeeah right buddy...it was last week wasnt it? cmooon its okaaay heheheh

anyway too many peopl give themselves hell when they dont wanna poop in a public stall..hey man if you gotta go you gotta go...no shame and no limit, its what theyre there for, my friends in highschool used to think i was crazy for doin it at school but at least im not havin a heart attack tryin to keep it in the whole day...
im just tryin to keep it regular nah mean!

I had similar shit happen to me around the same age. Poo cramps really hurt!! But, now if i go #2 in a public bathroom, i let loose with no holds barred, i dont feel bad if i clog it or if i spray mud all over the bowl, i just wipe, wash and walk away as if it were a one night stand.

[macphisto]

My friend, you just made me laugh my balls off at work.




Originally posted by empanadamn
the story that comes to mind was back in kindergarten. i was sitting at the round table, playing w/ blocks. i too had the wierd thing for public bathrooms, so i just shat there (shit + sat = shat). i remember thinking "poo poo pancake in the pants." i guess i just played it off for the rest of the day...

i've got a couple of pee stories. one was watching my grandpa eat a hamburger without his dentures in. i laughed so hard i just fell over and pissed myself. everyone was just looking at me strange. i think i was around 6 or so. the other was when i was in kindergarten, i ran home after school to take a piss (again, the thing w/ the school bathroom). i was trying to take my pants off, but i was rocking the hard to unlock button-fly type jeans. i tried to pull them over my sneakers, but it wasn't happening. i tried to hop-a-long cassidy, but ended up tripping and falling down, thereafter lying in a puddle of my own urine in the middle of the livingroom floor.

a friend of mine had a cousin who had shitting problems up to her highschool years. her cousins & brother used to call her "shitbird" and made up a song that went something like: "shit bird, i won't do what you tell me, shit bird..." or something to that effect. she would get upset and cry. it's ok, cos the girl was a biotch.

bye bye!

[35ft6]

Originally posted by jen_er_ator
ok, here's another story, but maybe not as funny...
for our senior prank my friends and i were gonna play a supah-nasty prank on our principal. here was the plan...
ok first, i have to tell you that our principal's name was dick smith, and he was a total dickhead (but i guess that was implied, huh?)
my friend cary and i were gonna wear dresses w/no panties on and stop dick smith in the hall and start talking to him. then, we would just poop right there while my other friend, erika, would walk by and puke all over him. we were really serious about this for like, a week. then erika backed out cuz she didn't think she'd be able to vomit on command, and then i backed out cuz i didn't want to walk around the whole rest of the day with even a second of poo butt against my dress. i'm sure we woulda been committed right then and there, but still...
i wish i had solid enough poop these days to even consider doing that to someone i totally hated. would you guys be totally repulsed if someone just had poop fall out of them when they were talking to you? the thought makes me laugh. HA! This is about the most ill-conceived prank I've ever heard of. "I'm going to walk up to that person and take a shit! That'll learn 'em!"

[Zaius]

goddamm, this thread still makes me laugh.....

[DJ LunchBox]

^^that made me poop.

[trex]

knock hockey

[Asharak]

In 10th grade; I tried to fart, but I got a diarrhea attack instead. No one else in class appeared to notice what was going on, so I asked permission to go use the restroom. While there, I went in a stall, wiped my ass thorougly, and then I took off my shit-filled underwear and threw them in the trash container.

[rloaderro]

my brother-in-law tells this story:

he was at a stop light in manhattan. everyone was crossing the street. this old woman was moving too slow. the light turns green. all the cars start honking at her. she stops her snail-pace for a few moments. and when she resumes there is a little dookie where she was standing. it just feel out from under her long skirt.

he has all the best stories...

[lakebottom]

I love how POOPED YOUR PANTS is in all caps in the title...

[cabbagechild]

me too.

altho i always found the capitals in "what are you listening to RIGHT NOW" kind of annoying, on the other hand.

[beanie]

I think I was 4 or 5.
First let me remind you, we were a family of 5 living near poverty, so we'd go to this place to get food if we waited in line, we'd get clothes sometimes too. Well we were there one day, and I like many others HATE using public bathrooms to take a shit, always have...mainly because i used to fart on the john a lot.

Well lemme continue...we were standing there in line when got this sudden urge to go poo...my metabolism works like a wonder and I can produce a good turd within minutes of eating. So yeah, I had to go, and I kept telling my mom to go take me, but she wouldn't she'd say, "nomas esperate hasta que agarremos la comida." - or just wait til we get the food.

In this place, which can be found in Bellflower CA, they had a small playground for the kids to play in while their parents waited, but my mom never liked leaving me alone. My mom told me to just go play though, so I went, I asked an adult there to take me, but he said he had to take care of his child. So I waited and waited until like 5 mins. later, I just gave up and went over by the metal posts that hold up the swings, tightly gripped the pole and KABOOM. in my pants it went. After that I walked over to my mom, she started yelling at me in the line, and so as to prevent any problems, they gave my mom the food earlier and gave her a few sweaters, and then we were on our way.

It probably isn't really all that funny, but just remembering what is was like made my shnortle.

[ironmonqui]

Yikes.

Do skid marks count? :rolleyes: :D :(

[shawgirl74]

when i was a wee tot of two or three years old i was walking in kroger and i told my mom "i have to have a boom". My mom was like "no, you don't" and i was like, "yes, i have to have a boom, mommy". i took a shit in my lil diaper and it ended up sliding out of the leg of said diaper and my dad laughed and kicked it under the shelf of the section we were in. there was a stock boy sweeping up ahead so i'm sure he swept up my lil doody. i love that story and my brother loves telling it to everyone.

[YelloKitty]

say no to skid marks goddammit.
http://www.cottonelle.com/moist/images/pckgrpMoist.jpghttp://www.cottonelle.com/moist/images/TiltHead_anim.gif
COTTONELLE FRESH® folded wipes with Aloe & E are pre-moistened to deliver a cleaner fresher feeling than dry toilet paper alone. They're great for the entire family.
Alcohol-Free. Portable so you can use them anywhere.

[Killjoy]

i saw those at cvs and i wanted to get them b/c i poop at work mostly but then i thought it would look weird to bring those to the bathroom. right now i just wet some paper towels and bring them in w/me but yesterday i clogged the toilet by doing that :P.

[Zaius]

Originally posted by lakebottom
I love how POOPED YOUR PANTS is in all caps in the title...

As I remember, it was to distinguish it from the other "when was the last time..." threads that were going at the time. GR forums having a long history of variations on a theme...

But really, the importance of pants pooping as just can't be emphasized enough.

[Zaius]

and it's just plain fun to say... Poop your pants, pantspooper.

[YelloKitty]

Originally posted by Killjoy
i saw those at cvs and i wanted to get them b/c i poop at work mostly but then i thought it would look weird to bring those to the bathroom. right now i just wet some paper towels and bring them in w/me but yesterday i clogged the toilet by doing that :P.
there's some travel sized ones that you can put in your purse!

[Killjoy]

awesome! my clean butt thanks you.

[ironmonqui]

Originally posted by Killjoy
i saw those at cvs and i wanted to get them b/c i poop at work mostly but then i thought it would look weird to bring those to the bathroom. right now i just wet some paper towels and bring them in w/me but yesterday i clogged the toilet by doing that :P.

A) Save money by putting wipes in a zip-lock, rather than paying more for the smaller packs.

and B) The aforementioned skidmarks had nothing to do with post restroom neglegence... :(

:type, type type... *Ghasp! *THAT'S not gas!!!** Aww SH-

[jen_er_ator]

Here's one with a little more substance.

[anti-toi]

okay. well here's a poo story. Last july I'd just moved into my house and had been there for like a day and hadn't moved all of my stuff (ie had not gotten around to the a box full of undies, etc.... luckily, I'd moved the box with tons of useless shit such as birthday cards from when i was 10 and broken calculators.) so but anyway i did not have under-roos on when i had a "work party" which was a gathering of my friends to paint the kitchen. shorts, no undies. we had pizza and beer which is a recipe for farts, so i thought if i let one rip, it would be funny. ha ha. poop down my leg. into my tennis shoes.

\damn son/

[jen_er_ator]

I had my first adult pantspooping episode a few weeks ago. It wasn't really bad, and I was at home (thank god!) I was really gassy and couldn't help farting, which annoyed my husband. Because of his lack of concern for my gaseous state, I forced a fart to spite him, and ended up giving myself a little squirt in the undies. He doesn't know that he got a little extra spite that day. I'm a little concerned that my age played into my undiesquirt.

[Sukebe]

Reminds me of a Malcolm in the Middle episode where they have a farting contest.

Dewey won for most tuneful, Francis won for loudest, Malcolm was most foul and Reese was disqualified. "Hey, I gambled and lost."

[t3h1337p3nguin]

My stomach hurts from reading through this thread...oww...soooo funny...
I've not POOPED MY PANTS since...*shrugs* a long time.

[t3h1337p3nguin]

However!
I did just squeeze off two very lengthy farts! I'm proud. They went sort of like, "PFFFFFREEEEEEEOWWWWWWWMMMLLLLlllllll...."

[Zaius]

i love this thread....

[t3h1337p3nguin]

...I hadn’t realized how supremely shit-housed I was until we stumbled into our room at the Embassy Suites. You ever been so drunk you forgot that you have to shit until the last minute? Well I was at that stage. I nearly had my pants completely off when SlingBlade snaked past me and got into the toilet first. Fine, I go get out of my bar clothes and change into a t-shirt and pink Gap boxers to sleep in. I wait patiently for about three minutes, then I start pounding on the door, screaming at him that I am going to shit on his bed if he doesn’t get out of there.

A short time later he opens the door laughing his ass off, and says, “That was perhaps the most prodigious shit ever. I just put that toilet into therapy.”

I take a gander into the bathroom. It looks like Revelations. The toilet is overflowing, brown shit water is spilling out all over the bathroom floor, and the tank is making demonic gurgling noises.

THE MOTHERFUCKER CLOGGED UP A HOTEL TOILET!

Hotel toilets are industrial size; they are designed to be able to accommodate repeated elephant-sized shits, and their ram-jet engine flushes generate enough force to suck down a human infant, yet skinny ass 170-pound SlingBlade completely killed ours.

I nearly panic. I let loose a flurry of unintelligible curse words at SlingBlade, punctuated by a “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!,” and knock over the lamp in my dash out of the room. The turtle is sticking his head out, and he is coming whether I am on a toilet or not.

I figure that there must be a bathroom somewhere in the lobby, so I shoot down the hall and hop in the elevator. Once in the lobby I can’t seem to spot a bathroom anywhere. So, I head around the corner to the front desk, which doesn’t face the lobby. It’s about 4am, and no one is at the desk. I furiously hit the bell for at least a minute--CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG --until some poor lady comes out with sleep lines all over her face and tells me that the bathroom in the corner of the lobby.

I turn the corner from the front desk into the lobby and realize I don't know which side of the triangular lobby she is talking about. I don't have time to go back and ask her, and I see a white door at the end of the left-hand side, so I quickly waddle towards it. Why am I waddling? Because I have to physically hold my butt cheeks together to prevent myself from crapping all over my pink Gap boxers. I am literally pressing my ass cheeks together with my hands. One of the prouder moments of my life.

I nearly bust the door off it’s hinges as I plow through it. I hear a loud, “AYYYY!!,” that almost literally scares the shit out of me. I jump back to see that this is a janitor’s closet, complete with a small Mexican lady janitor. I momentarily contemplate taking a dump in the janitors bucket, but decide against that, mainly because of the presence of said female janitor.

I try to be as diplomatic as possible, considering that I am about to crap my pants:

Tucker “WHERE IS THE BATHROOM?”
Janitor “No, no se habla Ingles.”
Tucker “WHAT?!? Huh, uh…DONDE ESTA FUCKING BANO?”
Janitor “AYA, AYA!”

She points across the lobby. About 60 yards from where I am standing, at the complete other end of the lobby, there is a set of doors that have a large “Restroom” sign over them. Right where the front desk lady said it would be, except on the opposite side of the lobby.

I have about half a second to make a crucial decision: I can either sprint and hope I make it there before I shit in my boxers, or I can stick my thumb up into my ass and shuffle the 60 yards to lavatory freedom. The decision is simple: I break into a full-on dead-ass sprint.

I am a decent athlete, I played football, baseball and basketball in high school, and I stay in good shape. I have run from cops before, I have run from guard dogs, from a legitimate drive-by shooting once while in Kentucky, but I don’t think I have ever run that fast in my life. Nothing motivates like the prospect of being covered in human excrement.

Unfortunately, I was not fast enough. It went something like this:

-20 yards into the run I feel my boxers start to sag.
-30 yards into the run, about halfway, I feel my ass crack and legs get noticeably wet.
-40 yards into the run, my boxers have slid down to mid thigh. I am struggling to keep it together.
-50 yards into the run, I can feel wetness all over me and little specs of something hitting the back of my head and ears.

By the time I get to the bathroom door, the end of the 60 yards, I have completely lost it.

I am shitting myself. Full on crapping in my pink Gap boxers.

I step out of my boxers as I crash through the door. Shit is puddled in the seat. I blindly hurl them away from me, and nearly break the door to the first stall. I plop down on the seat and immediately slide off, because my ass is covered in slimy, runny feces. All the while, my butt hole is spouting forth waste. I finally get situated on the toilet and lose perhaps 20 pounds in the next 2 minutes.

During a short respite in my nearly superhuman flow of crap, I notice that the toilet is almost completely full of shit, so I flush. Predictably, the toilet overflows. Great. I move to the next stall, and continue my little adventure, except this time I courtesy flush every few seconds.

By the time I finish, I am physically exhausted, completely dehydrated, and my eyes are tearing up from shitting so hard. I laugh at the inadequacy of toilet paper to clean my body. I take my shirt off and see that the back of it is completely covered in little specks of shit that my heels kicked up from the diarrhea that ran down my legs as I ran. I throw the shirt in the trash, and then see the mirror. My pink Gap boxers are crumpled in a ball on the sink, with a thick black streak leading from the top of the mirror down to them. This is their final resting place.

Completely naked and covered in my own poop, I chuckle, because at this point if I don’t laugh I have to cry. As I open the bathroom door to the lobby, I think to myself, “Who else on earth could be having a worse night than me?”

My question is immediately answered.

I see a trail of shit, starting very wide at my feet, getting progressively smaller until it apexes at the chunky white shoes of none other than the small Mexican lady janitor.

Her eyes met mine. We may have been separated by numerous religious, language and socioeconomic barriers, but the "What the fuck just happened?" expression on her face crossed all boundaries.

Now really--picture this scene: I am butt-ass naked, crap plastered all over my ass, legs, back and head, standing about 20 yards away from a Mexican maid, with a trail of black liquid shit leading from her directly to me. What would you do? I wasn't sure. I don't think there is any defined etiquette for this situation.

I shrug my shoulders, say, "Uhh, sorry. I mean, uh--lo siento. Good night. Buenos noche--or whatever," and calmly walk to the elevator.

From the glass window in the elevator, I can see her sobbing. The rest of the lobby tells me why: Not only had my legs kicked shit up on the back of my ears and head, they had sprayed little specs of poop all over EVERYTHING. The couches, the walls, everywhere.

Come to think of it, she wasn’t sobbing. I believe “hysterical crying” would be a better descriptive term. Oh well, someone has to clean up my messes, and it sure as shit isn’t going to be me.

When I get back to the room, SlingBlade is already in bed. He rolls over, takes one look at me and, never one for sympathy, begins laughing uncontrollably. He literally has to stop laughing because he strains his abdominal muscle. It takes him five whole minutes before he can get the words out,

SlingBlade "Where--where the fuck are your pants?”
Tucker "FUCK YOU ASSHOLE. This is all your fault, Mr. Rhino Dump. If you hadn't had that miscarriage in our toilet I wouldn't be COVERED IN SHIT!"

He couldn"t stop laughing long enough to respond. I took what remained of my dignity and got in the shower. As I was cleaning the poop off my back, I could hear him yell out:

"This is clear proof that there is a God, and he is just!"
It's better if you read the whole thing:
http://tuckermax.com/austinroadtrip.html
However, it's very long.

my girlfriend doodied her pants in the car yesterday.

we ate at outback and it gave us both the explosive shits for some reason.

i drove 90mph all the way home and i guess i just wasn't fast enough, because she caused just a little damage to her underwears.

the poor girl. i felt so bad for her, but i couldn't help but laugh a little bit on the inside.

[jen_er_ator]

Originally posted by atomiclotusbox
my girlfriend doodied her pants in the car yesterday.

we ate at outback and it gave us both the explosive shits for some reason.

i drove 90mph all the way home and i guess i just wasn't fast enough, because she caused just a little damage to her underwears.

the poor girl. i felt so bad for her, but i couldn't help but laugh a little bit on the inside.

Outback always always always does the same thing to me. That is why I can't eat at an Outback that is more than 10 minutes from my home in case I crap myself. It hasn't happened yet, but damnit if I don't feel your girl's pain. I don't know if it's the caesar salad or the steak?

^:D glad we aren't the only ones!

we both had the chicken, though it was prepared different ways

she had the house salad and i had the caesar

something just isn't right at that place

[yamchild]

i've never pooped in my pants. just wanted to bump this thread cos it's awsome.

[fmstlr]

later this afternoon.

[pkittie]

Lessee...this one is the least gross-

Ok, I'm not the best storyteller but...


I was in Manila, staying at the Mandarin hotel (which is a 5 star hotel with guards hanging around in the lobby with AK47s) with my Dad on a business trip. I have a lot of time to myself. I also looove fresh mangoes, so much so that it's difficult to eat just one.

One morning, I eat 5 mangoes. Then I plan a trip to the mall (which is 1 block away). I tell our liason person that I'm walking to the mall and they exclaim, "Oh nononono! You must wait for a driver to pick you up and drive you to the mall"

-"But it's 1 block away!"

"No, you must be driven there."


So I go downstairs and wait for 20 minutes for the car to arrive and drive me there. It's a huge frickin' mall.

Anyway, I'm trying on some bras in a fancy department store when my gut starts gurgling. So I stop what I'm doing and ask a sales lady where the bathroom is. She blinks at me.

"No bathroom". What?! What about in the mall?

*gurgle*

"No, no bathrooms in the mall".

All of a sudden, my intenstines liquify..."But you don't understand, it's an emergency!!"

Nada.


So I start running back to the hotel, nevermind the driver, calculating that I can make it back there. As I'm running, I'm clenching my butt cheeks as hard as I can to prevent any leakage. However, as I arrive at the lobby, with every step that I take, some poo goes squirting out.

Fortunately, I'm wearing black leggings and you can't see anything. I get to the elevators (there are 8 of them) and I'm relieved that there's no one in sight. By this point, I'm leaking poo down the back of my legs.

The elevator opens, I get in and as the door is starting to close, a business man runs in.

And I STINK. Like poo. I'm clenching my butt as hard as I can to prevent any more poo from escaping. He looks at me, I look resolutely at the floor indicators hoping that he gets off before me. Nope.

So my floor arrives, and I kinda do a sidestep out of the elevator, leaving a puddle and trail of poo behind me.

I run to the room and pound on the door (I left my keys at the desk). Fortunately, my Dad is in. Unfortunately, he's taking a bath.

I end up standing in my poo until he finishes, then jumped in the shower with the leggings on, and took an hour long shower. The leggings were double bagged and thrown away.

[nagasawa]

Wow. Note to self: limit yourself to a 4 mango breakfast

[ocd]

Originally posted by fmstlr
later this afternoon. That made me LOL.

[yamchild]

that's amazing. if that's the least gross story you could come up with, i'm curious as to how much grosser it gets.

[pkittie]

Ah, here is poo story #2:

Lemme preface this story with an explanation of big wall climbing:

Big wall climbing is what you do when you go to Yosemite or some wall that is several thousand feet up, climb it, and at night you anchor your cot-looking thing to the wall and sleep. You can do this from 2-6 days. If you need to go to the bathroom, you do it in a tube (technically called a "Poo Tube" which is basically a pvc tube with lids) and carry it along with you at all times. You can't just let go, because there might be other climbers climbing the same route below you. My climbing friends have spectacular poo tube stories (heat making the contents explode), but that is another tale.

Anyway...

So the boyfriend at the time is training me to big wall climb. This story has nothing to do with big wall climbing.


I'm going to meet some friends in Santa Monica to rollerblade on the beach. I get there 30 minutes early and park in a neighborhood with multi-million dollar houses. I'm sitting in my car, waiting for my friends, when I get the instant liquid intestines.

The public bathroom is about 3 blocks away, and I consider going up to one of the houses to ask nicely if I could use their bathroom when I think, "Wait a minute, maybe I could use this time to practice to poo in a bag for big wall climbing".

So I put the windshield heat reflectors up, roll up the windows (they're tinted), get a plastic bag, sit in the well of the passenger's side of the truck and poop in the bag. Ahh...sweet relief. I always have my handy dandy baby wipes to clean up but to my horror, the bag has a hole in it.

And the poop is liquid. And leaking all over the bottom of the car. I call it off with my friends and try to find a public garbage can.

I drive for blocks and blocks and the only garbage can I can find is on the corner of a major intersection. I stop the car, run to the passenger side, grab the bag and fling it into the can. As I fling it, a spraying arc of poo follows. Mulitudes of people stare at me.

I spend the rest of the drive home trying not to smell what was in my intestines for a very short time.

It took about 5 washings to get the poo bits and smell out of the carpet.

[ocd]

How many of these stories do you have?! Do you ever make it to the toilet?!

Just kidding, this is good stuff!

[yamchild]

wow... your innards seem unusually volatile. fmstlr rock climbs, i wonder if he has any good pooping stories.

this is how i am looking at pkittie

http://www.pandemonium.me.uk/images/doubletrouble/dumbfounded.jpg

[pkittie]

Well, I just have 2 adult poo stories. My ex fiance told me a spectacular poo story that I promised that I wouldn't tell, but it happened over 15 years ago, so nyah.

This happened to his friend, Ryan, and some girl that Ryan hooked up with. It's short, but effective.

Ryan and his girl were going down on each other where Ryan was lying on his back, and his girl was on top.

Said girl, "I gotta fart".

Ryan: Uh, it's okay I'll just hold my breath.

Girl proceeds to have foul diarrhea on Ryan's face with Ryan unable to escape because he's pinned between her thighs.

Man, I love poo stories.

[ocd]

I don't know if I feel worse for Ryan or Girl.

[stryfe]

I think this is the genesis of a new fetish.

[ocd]

New?

[fmstlr]

Originally posted by yamchild
wow... your innards seem unusually volatile. fmstlr rock climbs, i wonder if he has any good pooping stories.

sadly, my bowels are better trained than my climbing skills.

[Zaius]

Originally posted by Zaius
I'm not talkin' about just your average squishy fart that leaves skid marks. I mean actual Mass near the Ass, a load that you had to carry around until you could find a little privacy to take care of it?

I'll go first, I think it was either first or second grade. For some reason I had to go really bad all day but the bathrooms at school scared me or something. (I still have issues with public toilets, but that's another thread) I was walking home in SERIOUS PAIN just concentrating "I can make it. I can make it. etc." and about halfway home it just Let Go. It wasn't squishy or anything, but now I had a turd in my pants and I had to make it four more blocks to my house without anyone seeing the bulge on my heinder or noticing the fact that I was walking kinda bowlegged. As I remember I made it back home to the bathroom without my mom seeing. I must have destroyed the evidence because I don't remember my Mom ever saying anything. It must have been pretty traumatic because I can remember how humiliated I was even now.
Now it's just amusing party conversation (I don't get invited out much).

All right. I know that you all are a bunch of nasty muthafuckas out there. Let's see you top my story of personal degredation. Don't leave me hangin'!!





god damn, I can still feel the memory of that log in my shorts....


anyway, good to see the thread still alive!

[Zaius]

wow....pkittie bringin' it!

[650lex]

she keeps it real
love it!

[Charlie]

Mangoes are the ultimate laxatives. Guaranteed poop.

Originally posted by Zaius
god damn, I can still feel the memory of that log in my shorts...

i know what you're saying zauis

i pooped my pants like once a week until i was six years old,

there is no other feeling like that solid warm weight in your tightie whities.

turds are freaking heavy!

you can't forget it.

i'm really glad i grew out of that.

[ocd]

Originally posted by atomiclotusbox
i'm really glad i grew out of that. We all are, ALB. We all are.

my dad took it really hard

i think i really let him down

[ocd]

He wanted you to continue your weekly pant-loading? Is this some sort of bizarre family tradition?

no, silly, he was mad that i shat myself every day

and he had to empy out my underwear

and hose me off

[ocd]

:P

[yamchild]

i'm so relieved this thread didn't get purged

[ocd]

Good lord, PKitty is a god among pant-loaded men.

[puppy fields]

clenched butt cheeks is kind of hot

just say'n

[feralmuppet]

Lessee...this one is the least gross-

Ok, I'm not the best storyteller but...


I was in Manila, staying at the Mandarin hotel (which is a 5 star hotel with guards hanging around in the lobby with AK47s) with my Dad on a business trip. I have a lot of time to myself. I also looove fresh mangoes, so much so that it's difficult to eat just one.

One morning, I eat 5 mangoes. Then I plan a trip to the mall (which is 1 block away). I tell our liason person that I'm walking to the mall and they exclaim, "Oh nononono! You must wait for a driver to pick you up and drive you to the mall"

-"But it's 1 block away!"

"No, you must be driven there."


So I go downstairs and wait for 20 minutes for the car to arrive and drive me there. It's a huge frickin' mall.

Anyway, I'm trying on some bras in a fancy department store when my gut starts gurgling. So I stop what I'm doing and ask a sales lady where the bathroom is. She blinks at me.

"No bathroom". What?! What about in the mall?

*gurgle*

"No, no bathrooms in the mall".

All of a sudden, my intenstines liquify..."But you don't understand, it's an emergency!!"

Nada.


So I start running back to the hotel, nevermind the driver, calculating that I can make it back there. As I'm running, I'm clenching my butt cheeks as hard as I can to prevent any leakage. However, as I arrive at the lobby, with every step that I take, some poo goes squirting out.

Fortunately, I'm wearing black leggings and you can't see anything. I get to the elevators (there are 8 of them) and I'm relieved that there's no one in sight. By this point, I'm leaking poo down the back of my legs.

The elevator opens, I get in and as the door is starting to close, a business man runs in.

And I STINK. Like poo. I'm clenching my butt as hard as I can to prevent any more poo from escaping. He looks at me, I look resolutely at the floor indicators hoping that he gets off before me. Nope.

So my floor arrives, and I kinda do a sidestep out of the elevator, leaving a puddle and trail of poo behind me.

I run to the room and pound on the door (I left my keys at the desk). Fortunately, my Dad is in. Unfortunately, he's taking a bath.

I end up standing in my poo until he finishes, then jumped in the shower with the leggings on, and took an hour long shower. The leggings were double bagged and thrown away.

I would've dumped in the wastepaper basket. :)

[feralmuppet]

OMG, it's touching cloth.

Clench, damnit, CLENCH!

[kingka]

I would've dumped in the wastepaper basket. :)

ok, here I go.

Cuernavaca, Mexico. sunday morning, my gfs appartment.

she gets up. hops in the shower. I'm in bed, relaxing, I know I've gotta go but at this point I feel I can hold it till she's done in the shower.. decide to get up and watch tv for a bit. the second I get up it hits me. and the more I think about the fact that I have to hold it in, the worst it gets. clenching my ass has much as I can trying to hold it in. thoughts are racing through my mind. I swear to god, I was actually debating what you suggested. taking a dump in the waste paper basket, running to a spot behind her appartment and then dumping that shit. but I know for a fact if I did that:

a) the room would smell like shit
b) there's a good chance she'd probably walk in while I'm squatting and shitting in room.

so in the end I end up telling her to omgwtfgtfo of the shower please!!!!! and as soon as she was out, I sat on that toilet seat for like 20 mins. my ass literally exploded. I have no idea why that happened. I guess the stress of knowing I had to go back to ottawa the next day was affecting my system. but yea. worst experience ever. and I've suffered though 4 wisdom teeth pulled and a broken ankle..

this happened like last month....

[feralmuppet]

Mexican food... Maybe if you layed down on your stomach, gravity would have help you keep it in?

I've actually made in a wastepaper basket. I woke up in the middle in the night, and knew, with absolute clarity that I wouldn't make it to the bathroom in time.

So I made in the basket. Pulled down my shorts, sat down on the basket, and then went to town. I used to always line the basket with plastic shopping bags, so clean up was a cinch--I just pulled out the bag, tied it up, and dropped it into the chute leading to the building's dumpster.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

[kingka]

I dunno, I had been there 3 weeks prior and I was fine untill the day I had to leave. my body is easily affected by stress/anxiety. love your avatar btw.

[chocolate cake]

love your avatar btw.

very thread appropriate. FM is the poo wearing slippers?

[feralmuppet]

kingka: Maybe you subconsciously decided to leave her with a last-minute souvenier.

Choco: Limited edition sneakers. He's wearing gloves, too.

[FDM]

the worst part about reading this whole thread is laughing about it and then becoming really conscious about the state and endurance of your butthole. and the laughing combined with thinking about shitting yourself makes your butthole all tickly. which makes you laugh more. which tickles more. which makes you laugh more. which tickles more. which makes you laugh more. which tickles more. which makes you laugh more. which tickles more. which makes you laugh more. which tickles more. which makes you laugh more. which tickles more. which makes you laugh more. which tickles more. which makes you laugh more. which tickles more. which makes you laugh more. which tickles more. which makes you laugh more. which tickles more. which makes you laugh more. which tickles more. which makes you laugh more. which tickles more. which makes you laugh more. which tickles more. which makes you laugh more. which tickles more. which makes you laugh more. which tickles more. which makes you laugh more. which tickles more. which makes you laugh more. which tickles more. which makes you laugh more. which tickles more. which makes you laugh more. which tickles more. which makes you laugh more. which tickles more.

[chocolate cake]

Choco: Limited edition sneakers. He's wearing gloves, too.


These perhaps?

http://sneakersandshoes.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/customkick-by-by-loulou-echslectir.jpg

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://sneakersandshoes.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/customkick-by-by-loulou-echslectir.jpg&imgrefurl=http://sneakersandshoes.wordpress.com/2008/03/26/on-flickr-custom-sneakers-by-loulou-echslectir/%3Freferer%3Dsphere_related_content/&usg=__SmuSdaRdcWdOsEMZRV9wkp91okI=&h=374&w=500&sz=115&hl=en&start=120&tbnid=PtzUWu5Ay-TOIM:&tbnh=97&tbnw=130&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dpoop%2Bshoes%26start%3D100%26gbv%3D2%26ndsp%3D20%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN

[DOOM!]

What day is it?


...

I'm surprised I lasted this long.

[puppy fields]

Driving from LA to NY I got the call somewhere in oklahoma. I've been driving 3 days straight with about 8 hours in total for sleep breaks. I've been eating really crappy food during this time and the food wanted out now...like right now. It was winter.

So I'm on this two lane freeway in the middle of nowhere and a McDs shows up on the horizon. I can make the golder arches I tell myself.

I get to the parking lot, park, and run into the restaurant. I find the bathroom...the stall is empty! I rush in and plant my butt on the toilet. I then empty out my whole lower intestines in under 10 seconds. It's just pouring out...and it won't stop.

This goes on for 5 minutes and I'm starting to wonder when it will end? I have no control and it just will not stop.

10 minutes later it stops.

I stand up, turn around and look at the damage. I had filled the bowl to very rim. It was kind of amazing because the poop was just above the rim but due to the weight or something it didn't spill over.

I actually got some on my cheeks.

I then start cleaning myself and I'm kind of freaking. There is no way I can flush this thing. It's just too much poop.

Now I'm clean and dressed. And I'm standing in the stall hoping nobody will come in. I'm really pumping myself to get the hell out of there and not get caught.

Would these guys make me clean up the bowl if they caught me? Could I handle the humiliation? I can't run out of the place cause that would look really suspicious. Do Oklahoma State Troopers hate asians?

I'm thinking to myself this is how Michael Corleone must have felt when he shot that cop in that restaurant.

So...I slowly walk through restaurant...acting cool...don't make any eye contact...go out the door...walk across the lot...get in my car...and I'm still freaked...will someone run out the restaurant chasing my car?

I slowly pull the car out of the lot...and drive real slow onto the freeway...after about a mile I speed up like a mad man.

I'm thinking...Thank god that didn't happen in my pants...it must have been like 5 gallons of poop.

...

anyways, that's my poop story

[joetron2030]

^Man, you're killin' me!

[puppy fields]

this was years ago...and i still bad for the guy who had to clean it up.

[premium]

Lololololol

[CaptainPajamaShark]

this was years ago...and i still bad for the guy who had to clean it up.

you obviously haven't mastered the 'flush while you shit' method. this is almost guaranteed to minimize bowl cloggage, unless you're one of those people whose shits are unnaturally large

[slackerbot]

wtf.. hahaha. that's nasty. you dumped out like a week's worth of poop in one moment. didn't you think about flushing mid-way through?

man, they probably had to shovel that shit out of the toilet. or dump a bunch of lye on it to break it down. :p

[FDM]

they had to bust the redman potty fresh afterward.

http://img264.imageshack.us/img264/8058/redmanenzymeic1.jpg

ENZYMES 'N' SHIT COLLABORATE TOGETHA!

[joetron2030]

^<golf claps>

[pkittie]

What can I say? I have a guy's sense of humor. And apparently taste in pop culture-when one BF perused my books, movies + toy collection, he said, "You're a GUY" like it was a bad thing.

Oh I just remembered a story from Taiwan....I'll have to think about it more to tell it properly.

[yamchild]

Oh I just remembered a story from Taiwan....I'll have to think about it more to tell it properly.

yes, please! your poop stories have brought us such joy. :)

[FDM]

not an especially close call, but walking back from errands this afternoon, i was tootin' like a motherfucker and feeling the vapors condense because it was so cold out. it was weird. came back, sat on the throne and proceeded to fire cannons up and down the port bow. a little bit of the squirts, but nothing life-threatening. i wonder what it was i ate.

also, i wonder if a strong enough fart in the cold would be like an exhalation. like could you see a vapor cloud jetting out from some dude's trousers in the winter?

[joetron2030]

If it were cold enough out, would it instantly crystallize?

[feralmuppet]

Flavor crystals

[chocolate cake]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v638/poppa_shig/clb1.jpg

Coffee always works for me.

[puppy fields]

wtf.. hahaha. that's nasty. you dumped out like a week's worth of poop in one moment. didn't you think about flushing mid-way through?

man, they probably had to shovel that shit out of the toilet. or dump a bunch of lye on it to break it down. :p

I'm talking mud here!

it was so much poop that my butt cheeks left an imprint on the top.

How could I mid-flush? Have you guys ever tried to turn around while pooping?

[feralmuppet]

This thread just gave me an idea.

Wouldn't it be funny to read a minute-by-minute account of a poop attack sent via Twitter?

[joetron2030]

Done:

http://www.penny-arcade.com/images/2008/20080423.jpg

[feralmuppet]

that's BRILLIANT :)

[premium]

also, i wonder if a strong enough fart in the cold would be like an exhalation. like could you see a vapor cloud jetting out from some dude's trousers in the winter?

i think you would have to be naked.

this is one of life's questions that has remained unanswered for me since i was a child.

[pkittie]

If the fart had moisture in it, then you could see it. Heat alone won't make it visible.

[fmstlr]

Chicken Tequila Linguine from California Pizza Kitchen is a laxative.

[Zaius]

don't shit your pants!


http://www.kongregate.com/games/Rete/dont-shit-your-pants

[randall fairbrook]

....

Oh I just remembered a story from Taiwan....I'll have to think about it more to tell it properly.


that kaohsiung stinky tofu will fuck a negress up!

[kamenriderv3]

with stinky tofu, how can you tell if someone pooped or not?

[randall fairbrook]

talent, sir kamen, talent

[CaptainPajamaShark]

How could I mid-flush? Have you guys ever tried to turn around while pooping?

you're not actually turning around when you do this. do you arms not have joints?

[puppy fields]

you're not actually turning around when you do this. do you arms not have joints?

i wouldn't blindly try to find the flusher by hand in a public bathroom in the middle of oklahoma.

[j_simone]

LOL, i just killed 30 min sitting here reading poop stories... awesome!
i can honestly say that i've never pooped myself. i've had some close calls - usually driving home from a restaurant or dinner somewhere... it's always worse the closer you get to your home toilet - it's like your colon can sense it.
actually, i've had the opposite problem. (sorry if this is a bit long & TMI)

right after the baby was born, i couldn't poop for anything & they won't let you go home from the hospital until i went! they gave me everything - stool softeners, enemas! i even ate lots of bran muffins & fiber-filled foods before the baby was born b/c i'd heard about the constipation thing. i think it was b/c of the pain relief drugs too for the post-op.
well, when i finally DID go after everything, it was HUGE! not long, but it had girth & it didn't want to move. it was a big, fat, slow turd. i think it was so wide b/c all the fiber i'd eaten before the hospital did it's job, but my intestines didn't seem to be working. seriously, it was one of the most uncomfortable things i had ever experienced. i was sitting there w/ half a poop out of my butt & the nurse was asking me if i was alright. (i think they wanted my room for the next new mother) so, feeling rushed & in pain, i had to literally pull the crap out of myself! i felt like i had given birth - it was that gratifying when it was out. the poop was so enormous, it almost clogged the toilet - a hospital-grade toilet!
thinking my poop-capades were done with, a few days later, i started to worry b/c i hadn't pooped yet. yup, i was backed up again! actually, the huge turd i left at the hospital was only half of what was lodged in my intestines. dear hubby went to cvs & bought everything he could find to help me poo - plus some tucks for the aftermath :( it was pretty much a repeat of what happened at the hospital. plus, i had a bunch of friends & family at our house visiting the baby. bad times. at least i let john witness the turd to end all turds this time. he was in disbelief & dubbed it "the baseball bat" not b/c of the length but the girth. if i had pooped the whole thing at once, it probably would've been as big though! he still talks about it to this day & wishes we took a picture of it to show darcy what she did to her mommy.

edit: that was nice getting that out. like a poop-confession!

[Zaius]

like, pull with your hands?

[kamenriderv3]

are you kidding? gotta be spatula and tongs.

[slackerbot]

taking pics of your biggest poops is a great idea! :D

[Asharak]

I had a "surprise shit" happen to me not too long ago.

[chocolate cake]

I must say, the girls rule the toilet stools.

[will]

taking pics of your biggest poops is a great idea! :D

You know, I think many people might think this.. but in reality, such a collection of pics is a weird concept. I'd think a bit less of a friend if I discovered he/she had a secret stash of pics of their own doo-doo.

[slackerbot]

You know, I think many people might think this.. but in reality, such a collection of pics is a weird concept. I'd think a bit less of a friend if I discovered he/she had a secret stash of pics of their own doo-doo.

ok, fine.. i'll stick with collecting scabs instead.

[yamchild]

You know, I think many people might think this.. but in reality, such a collection of pics is a weird concept. I'd think a bit less of a friend if I discovered he/she had a secret stash of pics of their own doo-doo.

why does it have to be secret? :P

i know a couple of folks who e-mailed photos of their dumps back and forth each day for a while. they were both working from home and very bored.

[SDP]

I've had some movements I've felt downright proud of. No pictures, however.

[FDM]

http://images.teamsugar.com/files/usr/1/13839/cosby-cast.jpg

[feralmuppet]

artistic movement

[puppy fields]

fartistic movement

[feralmuppet]

fartistic movement

fartistic movement--Jackson Pollock action painting

[kamenriderv3]

why does it have to be secret? :P

i know a couple of folks who e-mailed photos of their dumps back and forth each day for a while. they were both working from home and very bored.

it was really stinky tofu. and they were not the bored.

[FDM]

bumping this because i needed a laff.

i remember when i was a little kid (like had to be 3 or 4, supposedly post-toilet trained) i was wearing tighty whiteys and one day i just up and oopsied. no provocation, probably didn't eat anything out of the ordinary. i just dropped one into the pantaloons. and i didn't want my parents getting mad at me because i just shat my pants in an age where i was beyond such infantile errors in judgement and physical infirmity, so i just kept it there for like a couple hours wondering what the fuck i was gonna do and how i was gonna play it off.

a 4 year old. who shat his pants. wondering how badly his parents were gonna smack him around because he shat his pants.

so i did what any intelligent and resourceful 4 year old who just popped off a stray shot would do. i pretended i was captain caveman, hunched over to conceal the weight of the load in my pants, and hobbled around trying not to let the keys jingle for an afternoon, going "oonga boonga, captain caveman!!!" over and over again as nonchalant as i could make it.

i think my grandpa finally figured it out and took care of things for me. good on him for not ratting me out.




also when i was being toilet trained, i remember my parents promised me a hulk hogan action figure if i could boom boom on the real people's toilet like a big man. it took way longer than i thought it was gonna take. like, weeks of sitting there, probably the pressure of winning the damn hulk hogan got to me and petered out my grand performance. but one day, sure enough, i went boom boom in the toilet, there was much rejoicing in my house, and i got that motherfucking hulk hogan figure, which at the time was probably about half my size. it's still in my parents basement. it didn't even move or have joints or special action features or anything, just a big solid hunk of plastic or rubber or something. but hulk hogan helped me to terlet glory.

[wonki wonki]

^Ha, I got a good laugh. Thanks.

[Mikio4]

this was years ago...and i still bad for the guy who had to clean it up.

Forget about the guy who had to clean it up. How bout the guy that had to use it after you? I was at a show several years ago and outta nowhere I realize I need to get to a crapper and pronto. My options are in the main room where the stalls either have no doors or the half doors so everyone walking in can look in your eyes as you as you shit or the single room bathroom. I, of course, opt for the lockable private bathroom despite the fact that there may be a line. There is, but I clench like a champ until I get in only to find that the bowl (there is also a urinal, which I presume the people in front of me were using) is in state as you described it in your story. But at this point I don't think I can make it to the other bathroom so I have to take my foul, runny shit in a bowl that is filled to the rim with other people's foul, runny shit. It was a test of my hamstrings as there was no sitting involved of course. Luckily I didn't get any splashback on me or I would have felt seriously unclean for the rest of the night. When I went back for a piss about an hour or two later someone had in fact cleaned it out.

[yamchild]

that's some excellent poop story telling, fdm.

[FDM]

thanks. that's honestly one of the few times dookie's touched cloth for me. i've had a few close calls, maybe gotten a little mud butt high-steppin' up the stairs to the john, but i never really let loose the floodgates that bad in memory. not counting the diapie times. i barely remember anything from those days, but captain caveman had to be one of the earliest memories i still retain.

[pkittie]

Argh, I forgot to tell my Taiwan story! But I love the poo stories....

[Wilhelm scream]

I remember pooping my pants a lot in 1984. Almost every day from May to september. It wouldn't be on purpose all the time but it would happen during nap time. I would get out of bed and call for my mom but, she never heard me and gave up and tried to hold it. I failed:( ( it was solid and a good one), got back into bed and waited for my mom to check on me.
I did it once in pre-school during nap time. I was afraid to get off my cot to use the bathroom.
One day in December, I pooped my pants and was scared that Santa wouldn't bring me anything.:( After my mom changed me, she said Santa would bring me presents :)

[pkittie]

Looky what I found!

http://www.poopreport.com/Stories/index.html

[kamenriderv3]

no fair posting your whole website

[chocolate cake]

I still will never be able to think of the word "girth" the same again after J_Simone's story.

[yamchild]

Looky what I found!

http://www.poopreport.com/Stories/index.html

when i clicked on this, i got blocked at work with the following message:

Reason:

This Websense category is filtered: Tasteless.

URL:

http://www.poopreport.com/Stories/index.html

shocking turn of events, really.

[CaptainPajamaShark]

came close to shitting myself today. instead I made it just in the nick of time and unloaded what can only be described as a partially submerged 'iceburg turd'. it was floating vertically like a fishing lure

[FDM]

anybody have the squirts so bad that it's basically pissing out your ass?

yeah, that's been the last couple days for me. it's subsiding today a little, but man. yesterday i must've claimed the john like 3 times at work? and twice at home? ugh. my stomach felt like a fucking moonshine still, like audibly creaking and moaning and shit. it was awkward as shit because my boss was sittin' right next to me and i kept having to excuse myself.

the things you admit to internet folk. :( i feel like i owe you all a mixed cd just for tellin' y'all that.

[premium]

Sounds like stress is fucking with your guts.

Have you been eating fried food?

Try some fiber or whole foods.

Wiedeman does what you described to my guts.

[puppy fields]

I heard Teddy Roosevelt drank a gallon a coffee a day

[nagasawa]

Pssh, Balzac drank 100 cups of coffee a day.

[premium]

Wont that give you kidney/bladder stones?

[puppy fields]

oh yeah? well Balzac never killed a bear with his own hands.

[yamchild]

anybody have the squirts so bad that it's basically pissing out your ass?



don't you remember myleftlung's master cleanse diet?

and balzac's coffee habit.... that's why the guy only lived to around 50. even imagining the logistics of drinking 100 cups of coffee is incredible. did he have a bigass coffee maker that was constantly making coffee? and how did he have time to pee so much? did this guy just have a catheter hooked to a giant bucket under his desk, changed out once every couple of hours? the mind boggles.

[IslanderSteve]

anybody have the squirts so bad that it's basically pissing out your ass?

yeah, that's been the last couple days for me. it's subsiding today a little, but man. yesterday i must've claimed the john like 3 times at work? and twice at home? ugh. my stomach felt like a fucking moonshine still, like audibly creaking and moaning and shit. it was awkward as shit because my boss was sittin' right next to me and i kept having to excuse myself.

the things you admit to internet folk. :( i feel like i owe you all a mixed cd just for tellin' y'all that.


I'm not even close to being a doctor, but it sounds like you have the gastrointestinal disease Norovirus, a very common foodborne illness. Stay hydrated with Gatorade, juice, etc. Eating anything solid will basically come out the backend until your body rides it out.

How do I know? Well, I got Norovirus a couple of years ago. Never again will I ever purchase a store-made egg salad sandwich at 11 o'clock at night.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norovirus

[kamenriderv3]

fdm,

you need to eat some good yogurt or get some probiotic supplements.

[FDM]

thanks for the advice. i have weathered the storm, and everything's back to normal. the worst of it was over by the time i posted that. thanks for all y'alls' concerns. i usually eat right (mostly veggies, whole grains, white meat chicken, fish, not much red meat anymore, but i'd never refuse a burger). i never refuse any dairy though (milk, cheese, yogurt, etc)

the past week i ran out of cold cuts so yesterday i bought a chicken parm for lunch, and this morning i had to get my oil changed so i bought a breakfast sandwich on the run. like one of those sausage/egg/cheese on a greasy bagel kinda joints. i think the more infrequently you eat "bad" foods, the worse you let everything out after you do eat something crappy, processed or fried.

for posterity, here's legendary KC Royals player george brett talking about one of his shitting episodes, as far as i can tell, it's legit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUdHMkE5Qdk

AND HERE'S THE T-PAIN AUTO-TUNE REMIX, SON: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2Dn0hs-CM8

[lakeside resort]

I don't know if this applies to your situation, fdm, but I give myself a huge coffee enema every morning before work. I drink a bunch of water and coffee, eat some breakfast, and then I sit on the pot until I get almost EVERYTHING out of my intestines. It's time-consuming but I think it's worth it to not have to use public or workplace toilets. Saves embarrassment and promotes hygiene for my germ-phobic person. I think it's good in general to get your body on a poop clock that keeps you regular in both senses.

TMI?

[ocd]

Nei.

[esswhykay]

I don't know if this applies to your situation, fdm, but I give myself a huge coffee enema every morning before work. I drink a bunch of water and coffee, eat some breakfast, and then I sit on the pot until I get almost EVERYTHING out of my intestines. It's time-consuming but I think it's worth it to not have to use public or workplace toilets. Saves embarrassment and promotes hygiene for my germ-phobic person. I think it's good in general to get your body on a poop clock that keeps you regular in both senses.

TMI?
lakeside being reasonable. I have pretty much the same exact routine.

[Rosita]

I recently started acupuncture treatments for digestive problems. After my first treatment I had an urge for a croissant and a cheese danish which I fulfilled at a French bakery nearby. It happened 5 minutes later, while I was crossing the street to catch a bus. THE SHAME! Someone sat next to me and didn't run away, though.

[CaptainPajamaShark]

I don't know what the wife fed me but I almost shat myself after dinner the other night. couldn't figure out if it was the veggies from our garden or the tacos she made. did a nice jackson pollack in the bog

[herrokitty]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6403VV2oyu0&feature=player_embedded

[premium]

Acupuncture for digestive problems?

FAIL

[MarkAPS]

On Sawtelle Blvd. in West LA right across from the Giant Robot store.. about 8 years ago..I'm not joking either.