great quotes from the Simpsons.

[orangepop]

"Its Alf. Remember Alf? He's back...in pog form."

-Milhouse

[Affluent Goblin]

"Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such nature films as 'Earwigs, Ew!' and 'Man Versus Nature: The Road to Victory.'"

[d@ m@n]

"that is not a sprinkle mr. simpson. that is a candy bar!"

aphoo

=)

[Johnney5]

TASTES LIKE...BURNING...

[Olivier Messiaen]

Maude Flanders: "Don't mention S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N!"

Krusty the Clown: "Sex Cauldron?!? I thought they closed that place!!"

[invictus]

Hey, lookee here!

http://www.giantrobot.com/forums/showthread.php3?threadid=718

"I am so smart S M R T!"
---homer

"marge just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand..."
----Homer...

simpson quotes are my bread and butter, I've spent many an evening with friends recounting simpsons episodes verbatum...
kinda sad actually

[orangepop]

"this is worse then your song about Mr. T" -APu
" I pity the fool who doesn't like...he." -Homer

Originally posted by invictus
Hey, lookee here!

http://www.giantrobot.com/forums/showthread.php3?threadid=718

Thank you, invictus.

[poshintang]

"Mmmm...Floorpie." homer

[falcor]

this will be the newbie thread of simpson's quotes.


(USE THE SEARCH ENGINE!!!)

[kh6kine]

falcor, you are wise.

juniors take note.

use that search engine, and crank out somethin' new, or resurrect an old thread from the dumpster.

peace.

[Tetsuo Shima]

Lisa: "Bart, dad wants you!"
Bart: "Oh shit! What does that no good rat soup eatin' mutha fucka want with me now?"

[Make Room]

Originally posted by kh6kine
falcor, you are wise.

juniors take note.

use that search engine, and crank out somethin' new, or resurrect an old thread from the dumpster.

peace.

Oh, you oldies are just bitter.

[archonemis]

Bitter like a FOX!

[Make Room]

I'm sweet like licorice, hard like peanut butter.

[archonemis]

I'm super like glue and no sugar for me. I'm sweet enough.

[Make Room]

Originally posted by archonemis
I'm super like glue and no sugar for me. I'm sweet enough.

Yeah, right (hella sarcasm).

[archonemis]

No left. (hella is a funny word)

[yellowtoothpick]

i say we celebrate the feast of maximum occupancy.

[pkken6]

oh boy, sleep...that's where I'm a viking

japanese guy at the mr. sparkle factory, answering the phone: "hello, let's talk, why not?"

lisa: "tai chi or chai tea?"

"This is Curtis E. Bear. The courtesy bear!"

c: dos
c: dos/run
run/dos/run

-comic book guy's t shirt.

i like the episode with lisa and bleeding gums murphy, especially at the end with the james earl jones thing: simba, darth vader, "this is cnn"... haha. so funny!

[jiggles]

Originally posted by Booter
japanese guy at the mr. sparkle factory, answering the phone: "hello, let's talk, why not?"


Me and my co-worker always say "Herro chief? Let's talk, why not?" around the office when we need to meet.

And when someone has a question, the other answers with, "I give you premium answer question 100%!"

[Swordsman]

homer: "all my life, I've been an obese man trapped in a fat man's body."

fucking hilarious!

[Kahimi]

i bent my wookie...

[dragon chic]

apu ~ "please don't offer my god a peanut".

[pkken6]

haha, I think that's Gadesh (sp) =)

thought it was funny that they actually gave reasons why Homer couldn't be Gadesh


Originally posted by dragon chic
apu ~ "please don't offer my god a peanut".

[captain beeheart]

So, do you like... uuhh... stuff?

[Kahimi]

"Sometimes I think I'm too old for this game."
--Adil

[/dev/null]

Homer: "God, if you want me to eat this donut then give me absolutely no sign whatsoever."

....waits paitently....

Homer (lifting donut and looking towards the skies): "Thy wish is my command."

...eats donut.

[joetron2030]

During Bart's imagining being a food tester for a chemical company:

Scientist: "Pleasant taste, slight monsterism."

[TheCoolie]

"Hello D-e-e--e-an , You are a Stupidhead!"
"Homer , is that you?"
"AHH"(runs away)

[saru]

" i've said it before and i'll say it again- democracy simply doesn't work "

-kent brockman

[megalomaniac]

TEACHER:"OK, GET YOUR CRAYONS OUT EVERYONE!"
RALPH:"BUT I DON'T HAVE MY CRAYONS...I ATE IT."

the ultimate quote ^

[Shari]

I had to tell Mr. Burns you had violent diarrhea.

[akuma]

Originally posted by Shari
I had to tell Mr. Burns you had violent diarrhea.

Homer: WHAT?!? WHY?!?!?
Marge: Cause you did have violent diarrhea. Kids- don't go in the closet for a while.
Bart & Lisa: *shudders*

Butter up that bacon, Boy! DO IIIIIT!!! Now bacon up that sausage!

[Flop Top]

"I'm a torso!" - Todd Flanders
"The doctor said my nose would stop bleeding if I kept my damn finger out of there." - Ralph

To many to recount. The guy who people say is the driving force behind The Simpsons' distinct brand of humor was quoted in an article (in The New Yorker) as saying that his favorite line was "alcohol, the cause and solution to all of life's problems."

[/dev/null]

Originally posted by Flop Top
"I'm a torso!" - Todd Flanders


That is one of my favorites, along with "Yaaayyy!!! Imagination Christmas!!! I got a hula-hoop!! I got a pogo-stick!!"

[slackerbot]

Homer says to Flanders: "You suck diddly-uck"

[Simon Paradise]

doctor: "Homer, if we remove the crayon from your brain it could increase your intelligence dramatically...but it could also kill you."

Homer: "Increase my killing power, eh?"

[hippyjonny]

come on people

"my cat's breathe smells like cat food"

[homeslice]

how bout

"Is this the end of Milhouse?"
"Milhouse? I thought i was the only one cursed with that name"
embrace
"This must be what it sounds like when doves cry" (gentle sobbing)

[slackerbot]

Milhouse: weekend dad wanted to get a DVD player.

[fightgenie]

Originally posted by Simon Paradise
doctor: "Homer, if we remove the crayon from your brain it could increase your intelligence dramatically...but it could also kill you."

Homer: "Increase my killing power, eh?"
Hahaha! Ooohh Mercy.

[wnoodle]

"Max Power doesn't cuddle! With Max Power you have to strap yourself in and FEEL THE Gs!"

::insert image of Homer executing violent pelvic thrusts::

[Kahimi]

Originally posted by hippyjonny
come on people

"my cat's breathe smells like cat food"


didn't you see my signature?!
;)

[slackerbot]

Homer reads the prompt on the computer screen...

To Start, Press Any Key.

Homer looks at the keyboard and says...

Where's the "Any" key?

[Flop Top]

Or how about Homer hitting the "TAB" key and saying, "I'm thirsty, where's that Tab?"

[wnoodle]

::Homer just presses "Y" for "Yes"::

"I'll have you know Marge that I just tripled my productivity!"

[stinky]

Ralph- Hi Super Nintedo Chalmers!

[nathaniel]

class, who can tell me the atomic weight of bolonium?

and the slow canadian kid from the Skorpio episode. actually all the slow kids from the Skorpio episode [sorry no quote] [anyone?]

[wnoodle]

Canadian kid from Skorpio episode:
"I just moved here from Kan-na-da and they think I'm slow, eh?"

Mentally disturbed kid from Skorpio episode:
"I light fires"

[BDLD]

Ralph- Go bananna!

[nathaniel]

thanks...hehe my stupid roomate is from Canada :)

[skimmilk]

Apu referring to his icees...

"We have three flavors: yellow, blue, and green."

[johnny_sokk0]

60!

How can there be 5 pages of response and no one got the best Simpsons quote of all time?
Homer becomes convinced that a waffle on the ceiling of the kitchen is god. He addresses the waffle and says, "I know I shouldn't eat thee," (takes a bite) "mmm ... sacrilicious."

[DEATHSQUIRREL]

moe's response to being embarrassed by one of bart's prank calls,"If I ever find out who you are, I'm gonna paint my house with your brains and use your head for a bucket!!!

[DEATHSQUIRREL]

bart saying to marge,"um, mom it's kinda hard to leave the house when you're blocking the doorway." homer encourages bart by saying, "push her down, son."

[Lain]

"But I belong here!!!" :Lisa
"When it comes time to send you to college, we'll send you to the best school" :Homer

Danm, my parents used the same thing on me, and look I'm now a Blue Hen, that has to be worse then being a Game Cock.

[/dev/null]

"How many miles?"
"From where to where, Your Majesty?"
"From Durrenstein to Krems."
"Three and a half miles, Your Majesty."
"The French have abandoned the left bank?"
"According to the scouts the last of them crossed on rafts during
the night."

[/dev/null]

Originally posted by /dev/null
"How many miles?"
"From where to where, Your Majesty?"
"From Durrenstein to Krems."
"Three and a half miles, Your Majesty."
"The French have abandoned the left bank?"
"According to the scouts the last of them crossed on rafts during
the night."

Whoops! Sorry about that. I thought this was the great quotes from War and Peace thread.

[zargo]

Moe's lie detector test

Eddie: Checks out. Okay, sir, you’re free to go.
Moe: Good, ‘cause I got a hot date tonight. (buzz)
A date. (buzz)
Dinner with friends. (buzz)
Dinner alone. (buzz)
Watching TV alone. (buzz)
All right! I’m going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria’s Secret Catalog. (buzz)
(ashamed) Sears catalog. (ding)
Now would you unhook this already please?! I don’t deserve this kind of shabby treatment! (buzz)

[slackerbot]

mmm... forbidden donut.

[slackerbot]

yvan eht nioj

[stinky]

Homer:Marge where's that metal dealie, that you use to dig food?
Marge: you mean a spoon?

[wnoodle]

Homer: Mmmm... Precious Venus...

[MojoJojo]

Homer: And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how!

[Kahimi]

Look, Marge, you don't know what it's like. I'm the one out
there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of
order! You're out of order. The whole freaking system is
out of order. You want the truth? You want the truth?! You
can't handle the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your
hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll
know what to do! Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown.

[Simon Paradise]

Originally posted by atomiclotusbox
Butter up that bacon, Boy! DO IIIIIT!!! Now bacon up that sausage!

ha ha ha thats such a great quote. I like how bart whines "but my chest hurts".

Homer and Mel Gibsons remake of the last scene from "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" is so funny it hurts my brain...
Homer: "I second that motion...with a VENGENCE"

[akuma]

Skinner's Mother: Seymour- your feelings are ugly and WRONG!

[stinky]

Hi Supernintendo Chalmers!

[jsoy]

the higher we jump the closer we are to god....

[Foehammer]

chief wiggins: weve got you on film quimby!
Mayor quimby: you dont scare me that could be anybodies ass in that picture!

Moe(while putting the crayon back in homers brain): is that far enough?
Homer: DEFENSE!! DEFENSE!!

[atomicscissors]

From the episode where Homer attempts to scale the Murderhorn:

Brad: Wake up Homer! Those Powersauce bars are just junk! They're made of apple cores and Chinese newspapers!

Homer: [looks at wrapper] Hey, Deng Xiaoping died!

[atomicscissors]

Homer and the kids grocery shopping:

Bart: I need this candy for school...candy class.

Homer: Well okay, but get five bags in case we eat four on the way home.

Lisa: My teacher said I need cupcakes. Cupcakes to learn.

Homer: In the cart.

Bart: I'm out of wine...

Homer: Cart.

[atomicscissors]

Kent Brockman talking about the difference between residents of Old Springfield and New Springfield:

Kent Brockman: Scientists say they're also less attractive physically, and while we speak in a well-educated manner they tend to use low-brow expressions like "Oh, yeah?" and "C'mere a minute!".

Homer: Oh, yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart, c'mere a minute!

Bart: You c'mere a minute!

Homer: Oh, yeah?

[atomicscissors]

Homer, drunk as hell, being carried around in his underwear by the guys at Moe's:

Homer: Look at me! I'm Peter Pantsless!

[atomicscissors]

Same episode as above; Duffman enters Moe's:

Lenny: Hey look, it's Duffman! The guy in a costume that creates awareness of Duff!

Again, same episode but later as Barney is driving Homer, Lenny, and Carl:

Lenny: Hey, let's go to the girls college!

Carl: No! Playboy Mansion, Playboy Mansion!

Homer: It's my car and I say we're going to the Lost City of Gold!

Barney: Oh, that's just drunk talk! Sweet, beautiful drunk talk...

[atomicscissors]

Dr. Hibbert: Your cholesterol level is lethally high, Homer, but I'm more concerned about your gravy level.

Homer: Now wait a second! You doctors have been telling us to drink eight glasses of gravy a day!

Dr. Hibbert: [laughs] You're a little confused!

Homer: Oh, confused would we?

[atomicscissors]

Lisa, skeptical about the angel-like skeleton she finds:

Lisa: It could be anything. It could be a mutant from the nuclear plant.

Burns: Bah! Fiddle faddle! Everyone knows our mutants have flippers. Oh, I've said too much. Smithers, use the amnesia ray.

Smithers: You mean the revolver, sir?

[vegAsian]

four finger discount dude.

[wnoodle]

Duffman: "Duffman. Can't. Breathe. Oh yeah!"

[retromullet]

Moe referring to his pickled radishes (I think), "I should've taken more pictures." Then they show a whole wall of him and the radishes.

Also, from last week's

At Efcot, when they ride the electric car ride sponsored by the gas company,
"I'm an electric car! I'm stupid and slow. If you drive me, people will think you're gay!"

"One of us! One of us!"

[retromullet]

Oh yeah, and when Carl thinks he's gonna die, "Oh, now I'll never get to taste honey dew..."

Then Moe replies, "Ah, you missed nothing. Cantelope is the real money melon."

I'm just a Moe fan.

[Kahimi]

Alien 1: It seems the earthlings won.
Alien 2: Did they? That board with a nail in it may have defeated us. But the humans won't stop there. They'll make bigger boards and bigger nails, and soon, they will make a board with a nail so big, it will destroy them all!

[atomicscissors]

Kent Brockman and Leeza Gibbons hosting Springfield's Thanksgiving Day parade:


Kent Brockman: Here's a float saluting the Native Americans, who taught us how to celebrate Thanksgiving.

Leeza Gibbons: Interesting side note on this float: The papier-mâché is composed entirely of broken treaties.

Kent Brockman: [laughs good-naturedly] They're good sports.

[/dev/null]

(In the gun shop, Homer practices handling an unloaded handgun. Pointing it at the store owner's head, he pulls the trigger several times.)

Gun Shop Owner
Woah, careful there, Annie Oakley.
(He takes the gun)

Homer
I don't have to be careful. I got a gun.


Gun Shop Owner
Well, you'll probably want the accessory kit. Holster...

Homer
Oh, yeah.

Gun Shop Owner
Bandoleer.

Homer
Baby.

Gun Shop Owner
Silencer.

Homer
Mmm-hmm.

Gun Shop Owner
Loudener.

Homer
(drooling noise)

Gun Shop Owner
Speed-cocker.

Homer
Ooh, I like the sound of that.

Gun Shop Owner
And this is for shooting down police helicopters.

Homer
Oh, I don't need anything like that...
(paranoid look)...yet.

Just give me my gun.
(Homer grabs the gun)

Gun Shop Owner
Sorry, the law requires a five-day waiting period. We've got to run a background check.

Homer
Five days? But I'm mad now!
(The owner finally pulls the gun away from Homer.)

[atomicscissors]

LOL, speed-cocker...

[atomicscissors]

Some quotes from the nuclear sub episode:

TV Commercial: Daybreak: Tucawka. The proud men and women of the Navy are fighting for freedom. But you're in Lubba, Texas, hosing stains off a monument. You're in the Naval Reserve. America's seventeenth line of defense, between the Mississippi National Guard and the League of Women Voters. After basic training you'll only have to work one weekend a month and most of that time you're drunk off your ass.



Homer at a recruiting station:

Recruiter: Just fill out this form, and you're on your way to the reserve.

Homer: There's a question that's crossed out.

Recruiter: Well... due to a recent presidential order, we're not allowed to ask that particular question.

Homer: I think I can make it out! [reading] "Are you a homosex..."

Recruiter: For God's sake, don't answer that, I could go to jail!

Homer: But I'm not a...

[The Recruiter covers his ears and starts singing.]

Recruiter: La, la, la, la, la, la, la, I am not lis-ten-ing! La, la, la, la, la...[runs off screen]

Homer: Nice fella. I wonder if he's gay?



After homer sails the nuclear sub into Russian waters:

Russian UN Official: The Soviet Union will be pleased to offer amnesty to your wayward vessel.

American UN Official: The Soviet Union? I thought you guys broke up.

Russian UN Official: Yes, that's what we wanted you to think!

[Kahimi]

Kent: Hordes of panicky people seem to be evacuating the town for some unknown reason. Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?
Professor: Mmm, yes I would, Kent.

[Garlic]

Originally posted by atomicscissors
After homer sails the nuclear sub into Russian waters:

Russian UN Official: The Soviet Union will be pleased to offer amnesty to your wayward vessel.

American UN Official: The Soviet Union? I thought you guys broke up.

Russian UN Official: Yes, that's what we wanted you to think!

Was that the one where Lenin's corpse comes to life and says "Must...crush...capitalism."?? That was so funny!

[atomicscissors]

Yeah, that's the one, but you for got the "Rarrr!" at the end.

[akuma]

"ive said it before and i'll say it again- democracy simply doesn't work"

kent brockman

[atomicscissors]

When some Springfield citizens demand that Mayor Quimby bring in a police chief who will enforce the prohibition law:

Quimby: Demand? Who are you to demand anything? I run this town. You're just a bunch of low-income nobodies!

Assistant: Uh, election in November. Election in November.

Quimby: What? Again? This stupid country.

[atomicscissors]

"The wars of the future will not be fought on the battlefield or at sea. They will be fought in space, or possibly on top of a very tall mountain. In either case, most of the actual fighting will be done by small robots. And as you go forth today remember always your duty is clear: to build and maintain those robots. Thank you." - Rommelwood Military Academy Commandant's graduation address

[MojoJojo]

Moe: I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff.


Homer: I've heard 'em all. 'I like you as a friend.' 'I think we should see other people.' 'I no speak English.' 'I'm married to the sea.' 'I don't want to kill you, but I will...'"


Homer: You know Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, 'Homer, you're a big disappointment,' and God bless her soul, she was really onto something.

[atomicscissors]

Burns negotiating with Homer who at the time was the union president:

Burns: We don't have to be adversaries, Homer. We both want a fair union contract.

Homer: [thinking] Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?

Burns: And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

Homer: [thinking] Wait a minute. Is he coming onto me?

Burns: I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?

Homer: [thinking] My God! He is coming onto me!

Burns: After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows. [chuckles] [winks]

Homer: [thinking] Aaaaaagh! [aloud] Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure, I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no!

[atomicscissors]

Another homosexual reference. This one is when the Simpsons go to stay at Flander's summer cabin. Marge tells Lisa she can invite a friend to come along. Marge then checks to see who Lisa is gonna bring:

Marge: So, did you call any of your friends?

Lisa: Friends? [scoffs] These are my only friends. [picks up a book] Grownup nerds like Gore Vidal and even he's kissed more boys than I ever will.

Marge: Girls, Lisa. Boys kiss girls.

[Kahimi]

I love that episode. My favorite part (one I wish I could have recited in middle school): "Okay so you found out I'm an overachieving bookworm. So whatever mean prank you're pulling, just finish it up and send me a polaroid. I'm going to sleep."

And after Bart shows Lisa's new friends the yearbook, the next morning he tells her, "I guess my little yearbook stunt was pretty rough. But it did teach you a lesson. [Condescendingly] It's important to be yourself."

[Jack]

Homer: Then you must be.......

Mystery Man: Yes......Frank Grimes Junior!

(....)

Homer: Wait, Grimes wasn't married, how could he have a son?

Frank Grimes Jr.: He had a thing for hookers! Okay?

The goggles! They do NOTHING!!

[Jack]

nononono......

Ze Goggles! Zey do NUSSSSINNNNGGG!

[/dev/null]

Originally posted by atomiclotusbox
The goggles! They do NOTHING!!

Hah! One of my favorites!

Although shouldn't it be "Ze goggles! Zey do nothing!"

[Kahimi]

"Kiss the virtual ass."
--Nelson

[MojoJojo]

Originally posted by atomiclotusbox
The goggles! They do NOTHING!!
One of my favorites. Its amazing how many conversations you can work this quote into.

Originally posted by MojoJojo

One of my favorites. Its amazing how many conversations you can work this quote into.

i am convinced conversation is not even necessary. everything can be a simpson quote instead.

[atomicscissors]

From the Hank Scorpio episode (one of the greatest, nein?):

Hank: Uh, hi, Homer. What can I do for you?

Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.

Hank: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that? Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut, that's on 3rd.

Homer: Uh-huh.

Hank: There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on 3rd too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There?

Homer: Mm-Hmm.

Hank: That's on 3rd. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot...matter of fact, they're all in the same complex; it's the Hammock Complex on 3rd.

Homer: Oh, the Hammock District.

[YelloKitty]

krusty: honeydew is the money melon!

[Zaius]

Originally posted by atomiclotusbox


i am convinced conversation is not even necessary. everything can be a simpson quote instead.


yeah, they've pretty much said everything possible at this point.

[atomicscissors]

From tonight's episode (the first one):

Ned and the Sea Captain are watching Springfield's couples dance:

Ned: [sighs] I guess you and I are flying solo tonight, Sea Captain.

Sea Captain: Arrr! Are you hitting on me? 'Cause I don't do that...on land.

[Jack]

Homer: Who're you?!

Andre Agassi: Andre Agassi.

Homer: The Wrestler?!?!?!

[akuma]

grampa simpson "everything is the last time i do anything"

[Kahimi]

Lisa: A hush falls over the general assembly as Stacy approaches the
podium to deliver what will no doubt be a stirring and memorable
address.
[pulls Stacy's cord]
Stacy: I wish they taught shopping in school!
Lisa: [groans, pulls Stacy's cord again]
Stacy: Let's bake some cookies for the boys!
Lisa: Come on, Stacy. I've waited my whole life to hear you speak.
Don't you have anything relevant to say? [pulls cord]
Stacy: Don't ask me, I'm just a girl. [giggles coquettishly]
Bart: Right on! Say it, sister.
Lisa: It's not funny, Bart. Millions of girls will grow up thinking
that this is the right way to act -- that they can never be more
than vacuous ninnies whose only goal is to look pretty, land a
rich husband, and spend all day on the phone with their equally
vacuous friends talking about how damn terrific it is to look
pretty and have a rich husband!
Bart: [pause] Just what I was going to say.

And from the same episode...

Stacy: Let's buy makeup so the boys will like us.
Lisa: [sighs] Don't you people see anything wrong what Malibu Stacy
says?
Celeste: There's something wrong with what _my_ Stacy says.
Stacy: [in a low voice] My spidey sense is tingling -- anybody call
for a web-slinger?
Lisa: No, Celeste. I mean, the things she says are sexist.
Girls: [giggle] Lisa said a dirty word!

[Jack]

Homer: "Crazy like a FOX!"

From this season: Nelson- "Hey! Some of us prefer illusions to despair!"

[angryallthetime]

64 slices of american cheese

[Doggy Treat]

" ooo help me Dr. Seus!"

"everythings' cummin up millhouse!!!"

"have you been up all night eating cheese?.."
"i think i'm blind."

"i'm not a girl! what are you blind???"
-"yes. :( "

"oh i'm so lonely"

" homer... this is the worst thing you've ever done."
"you know you say that so often it's lost all meaning."

"mmmm prescious venus...."
"mmmmmm sweet mint julippppp..."
"360 slices of american cheeseeeee"

"in america, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women..."

"pricipal skinner is an old man who lives at the school"
"when i grow up - i want to be a principal or a cadipillar...i love you pricinpal skinner."

[liquid mass]

"I'm kind of like Jesus, but not in a sacreligious way."

Food-strike Homer

When Lisa reaches the Cory hotline:

"Hi this is Cory....here are some things that rhyme with my name:

Gory.

Story.

Allegory.

[Jack]

Comic Book Guy: "There's no emoticon for what I'm feeling!"

[liquid mass]

"Is there a Vulcan word for Loneliness?"

Comic book guy.

Sorry can't remember what the word actually turned out to be.

[Jack]

Don't ask me, I only speak Klingon.

But one minute, and I can find out!

[liquid mass]

Originally posted by liquid mass
"Is there a Vulcan word for Loneliness?"

Comic book guy.

Sorry can't remember what the word actually turned out to be.

Sorry, but I screwed that up. It should have been "a Klingon word for loneliness."

IDIOT! Myself that is.

[Jack]

Nelson as Huck Finn: "These derringer bullets sure are weak"
Bart as Tom Sawyer: "Powerful Weak"

[Jack]

from the same episode

Nelson: "That ain't no 5-X Whiskey! I can still see! That bartender is a cheat!"

[liquid mass]

Originally posted by Jack
from the same episode

Nelson: "That ain't no 5-X Whiskey! I can still see! That bartender is a cheat!"

What, no cornpone quotes?

[Jack]

I wasn't paying attention to the cornpone bit.

[liquid mass]

That episode is chock full of pone.

[KING]

This probably been posted before but I dont think jesus will hate for not reading 10 pages of simpson quotes.

"but my mom says Im cool"

Milhouse

[Jack]

Milhouse (dressed as a girl): Well, their goes plan B!

[liquid mass]

"Everything's coming up Milhouse."

[liquid mass]

"Their hands were everywhere." Milhouse

[liquid mass]

"Now just a Maude-gone-minute."

Ned upset that people were saying that he was osessing about his dead wife too much.

[atomicscissors]

Milhouse: Hey, Bart. Check out my new earring. Pretty cool, huh?

Bart: Milhouse, my Mom wears earrings. Do you think she's cool?

Milhouse: No! I think she's hot! Sorry... it just slipped out.

[liquid mass]

"Ungaurded breakfast.

The sweetest taboo." Homer

[liquid mass]

Lisa: "But Principal Skinner, you're stealing."
Skinner: "Welcome to Dick Cheney's America."

[Kahimi]

Boy: [spoken] Hey, who left all this garbage lying on the
steps of Congress?
Amendment: [spoken] I'm not garbage.

I'm an amendment to be
Yes, an amendment to be
And I'm hoping that they'll ratify me
There's a lot of flag burners
Who have got too much freedom
I wanna make it legal
For policemen
To beat 'em
'Cause there's limits to our liberties
'Least I hope and pray that there are
'Cause those liberal freaks go too far.

Boy: [spoken] But why can't we just make a law against
flag burning?
Amendment: [spoken] Because that law would be unconstitutional.
But if we _changed_ the Constitution...
Boy: [spoken] Then we could make all sorts of crazy laws!
Amendment: [spoken] Now you're catching on!

Boy: [spoken] But what if they say you're not good enough
to be in the Constitution?
Amendment: Then I'll destroy all opposition to me
And I'll make Ted Kennedy pay
If he fights back
I'll say that he's gay
Big Fat Guy: [running up] Good news, Amendment! They ratified
'ya. You're in the U.S. Constitution!
Amendment: Oh, yeah! Door's open, boys!
[many bills and amendments run in, guns a-shooting
and bombs a-flying]

[nathaniel]

"Class, who can tell me the atomic weight of bolonium?"

[liquid mass]

"I love Chinatown. I just wish they would quit picking on Tibettown." Lisa

[Jack]

Originally posted by nathaniel
"Class, who can tell me the atomic weight of bolonium?"

"Delicious?"

[fightgenie]

"...and that's when the chuds came at me."

[atomicscissors]

The episode where Bart and Milhouse run the comic book store and get raided after they find Comic Book Guy's stash of bootleg videos:


Wiggum: Well, well, well. This place's got more pirated tapes than a...

Lou: ...a Chinese K-Mart?

Wiggum: Well, that'll have to do. [to Milhouse] Uh, these yours, son?

Milhouse: No, sir. We're just exhibiting them for profit without permission.

Wiggum: Fair enough. But the owner is in more hot water than...

Lou: ...a Japanese teabag?

Wiggum: Why don't you lay off the Asians, Lou?

[Kahimi]

"Wecome to Fox: your voice for evil."

Good episode tonight!

[Jack]

Homer: "You're Satan?!"
Ned-Satan: "Yeah, it's always the quiet ones."

Tormentor in Hell: "YOu like Doughnuts? THen you can eat all the doughnuts in the world!"
Homer then eats all the doughnuts in the world
Tormentor: "What the? _________ _________ went crazy in fifteen minutes!"

[GONG_LORD]

Homer and marge are watching the old black and white Itchy and Scratchy cartoons

Homer: "Was that mouse kissing that cat?"
Homer:"Because if they were....." (Homer cups his right fist in his left hand with a scowl on his face).

[liquid mass]

I was sooo Gay.


-Huckleberry Hound

Behind The Laughter Episode.

Dang old..tearjerking.

[Jack]

Homer Simpson Quote Generator! (http://smacie.com/randomizer/simpsons/homer.html?Homer.x=67&Homer.y=184)

[atomicscissors]

Inspired by the 'Who is Your Favorite Simpsons Character?' thread here are some great Troy McClure quotes:

"Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such educational films as 'Two Minus Three Equals Negative Fun' and 'Firecrackers: The Silent Killer'."

"I'm your host, Troy McClure. You may remember me from such films as 'The Erotic Adventures of Hercules' and 'Dial M for Murderousness'!"

"Hello, I'm actor Troy McClure. You kids might remember me from such educational films as 'Lead Paint: Delicious But Deadly' and 'Here Comes the Metric System'!''

"Hi! I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such Driver's Ed films as 'Alice's Adventures through the Windshield Glass' and 'The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot'."

[liquid mass]

Originally posted by atomicscissors
Inspired by the 'Who is Your Favorite Simpsons Character?' thread here are some great Troy McClure quotes:



And this classic:

"Hello, Selma Bouvier? It's Troy McClure. You may remember me from such dates as last night's dinner."

[wnoodle]

Originally posted by liquid mass
And this classic:

"Hello, Selma Bouvier? It's Troy McClure. You may remember me from such dates as last night's dinner."
OMG! I was just thinking about that one particular quote!

"You may remember me from such educational films as 'Towel Fight 2: The Blinding of Lenny Driscle' ".

[akuma]

"I wish God was alive to see this"

=Homer=



tonight's episode was frinky glavin good!

[vegAsian]

Originally posted by akuma
"I wish God was alive to see this"

=Homer=



tonight's episode was frinky glavin good!
hell yes.
"I thought you said he ran out of microscopes!"
or sumtin like that.

[atomicscissors]

Originally posted by akuma
"I wish God was alive to see this"


LOL, yeah that shit was funny.

[Kahimi]

The doorbell rings. Homer answers it and sees the "God Squad" of the Lovejoys and the Flanderseses.

Homer: Ugh, this isn't going to be about Jesus, is it?

[atomicscissors]

First Church of Springfield marquee announcements:


PRIVATE WEDDING, PLEASE WORSHIP ELSEWHERE

NO SHOES, NO SHIRT, NO SALVATION

GOD WELCOMES HIS VICTIMS

NO SYNAGOGUE PARKING

NEXT SUNDAY: THE MIRACLE OF SHAME

TODAY'S TOPIC: HE KNOWS WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER

[nathaniel]

Stealing? How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain what's-his-name?

[pkken6]

Originally posted by liquid mass


What, no cornpone quotes?


"Aww man...
They put the eggpone on top of the larpone"


Anyone know what pone is?

[jsoy]

sunday school teacher...

"no ralph..jesus didn't have wheels...'

"I don't know where you magic pixies came from, but I sure like your pixie drink."

--Barney

[nathaniel]

Originally posted by jsoy
sunday school teacher...

"no ralph..jesus didn't have wheels...'

aghagagahaha

[Kahimi]

Grampa: This elevator only goes to the basement. And somebody made an awful mess down there.

[atomicscissors]

Moe: You know what really aggravazes me? It's dem immigants. Dey wants all the benefits of living in Springfield, but dey ain't even bother to learn demselves the language.

Homer: Hey, those are exactly my sentimonies.

[kenickie]

i know it's already been said but "i bent my wookie" has to be my favourite.

[earnhardt2]

"Help Me, Jebus!"
-- Homer

[atomicscissors]

Todd: Daddy, what do taxes pay for?

Ned: Oh, why, everything! Policemen, trees, sunshine! And lets not forget the folks who just don't feel like working, God bless 'em!

[Shoujo~Dojo]

apu: "Oh mister simpsons, congartulations on the little bundle of joy"
homer: "its true it is a bundle of joy, but im not in it for the money!"

moe seconds later: "hey homer, way to get marge pregnant! hehe"
Homer: "This is getting a little abstract but thank you, thank you very much."

[fightgenie]

Originally posted by Kahimi
Grampa: This elevator only goes to the basement. And somebody made an awful mess down there.
HAHAHA:D

aargh, two glass eyes!

mmmmm...tomacco

i heard they shaved a gorilla

the internet? they have that on computers?

look! she's presenting!

[daft_crunk]

"HOODS ROB HOODS IN THE HOOD'"

Me fail English? That unpossible!

[pkken6]

So...I noticed your house smells of feces

[nathaniel]

Originally posted by atomicscissors
Todd: Daddy, what do taxes pay for?

Ned: Oh, why, everything! Policemen, trees, sunshine! And lets not forget the folks who just don't feel like working, God bless 'em!

hehehe

[Jack]

Originally posted by pkken6
So...I noticed your house smells of feces

And not just Monkey feces.

[atomicscissors]

After the Flanders's house gets knocked down by a hurricane:

Maude: Oh Neddy, it was terrifying! I thought I was headed for the eternal bliss of paradise!

rawr, rawwr, no one understands you she-bear...

homer to lisa "what are you, my biographer?"

[Angel10]

Homer: Why won't you go out with Bart?
Sherri: He's a smelly, ugly dork!
Homer: Please. Ugly is such a smelly word.

[BornInJapan]

Not really a quote, but more Simpsons trivia than anything else. Yesterday our Fox affiliate showed the episode where Marge and a neighbor lady spoofed Thelma and Louise. Does anyone know when that first aired?

Just for fun, the reason I want to know is this. They sat at a diner and drank coffee. The name of the diner happens to have the same name as a local shop here. I'm just trying to figure out which came first, the local shop or the Simpson's episode.

Thanks!

PS. If you're a real Simpson's geek you'll be able to give the name of the diner to.

[Kirk Van Houten]

"A woman is a lot like a beer. They smell good, look good and you'd step over your own mother to get one."

- Homer explaining to Bart the birds and the bees

[atomicscissors]

Originally posted by BornInJapan
Not really a quote, but more Simpsons trivia than anything else. Yesterday our Fox affiliate showed the episode where Marge and a neighbor lady spoofed Thelma and Louise. Does anyone know when that first aired?

Just for fun, the reason I want to know is this. They sat at a diner and drank coffee. The name of the diner happens to have the same name as a local shop here. I'm just trying to figure out which came first, the local shop or the Simpson's episode.

Thanks!

PS. If you're a real Simpson's geek you'll be able to give the name of the diner to.

'Marge on the Lam' first aired in North America on 11/5/1993 and the name of the diner was 'The Seething Sisters'.

[atomicscissors]

Homer: What should I do with all this dirty, ill-gotten money? I'd better throw it in the garbage.

Lisa: Well, there's lots of needy kids out there.

Homer: I see what you're saying. I need to buy a gun!

[BornInJapan]

I hope we're talking about the same episode...but I'm not sure that we are. The diner actually had a different name. Here's more from the plot to help out...Marge and this woman wen tup to the big SPRINGFIELD sign (that looked like the HOLYWOOD sign). Marge started thinking about her and Homer's date there and he was beating up the weather station...

Hope this does it!

Homer: That is not a worm!

[Kahimi]

Originally posted by BornInJapan
I hope we're talking about the same episode...but I'm not sure that we are. The diner actually had a different name. Here's more from the plot to help out...Marge and this woman wen tup to the big SPRINGFIELD sign (that looked like the HOLYWOOD sign). Marge started thinking about her and Homer's date there and he was beating up the weather station...

Hope this does it!

Atomicscissors is right. The episode first aired in N. America on 5-Nov-93, and the name of the restaurant with all of the women running from the law was The Seething Sisters, though that isn't the one you are talking about.
They also go to "Jittery Joe's Coffee Shop" and a bar called "Shot Kickers."
You can find it all here. (http://www.snpp.com/episodes/1F03.html) :D

[atomicscissors]

BIJ: Yeah atomicscissors is right.

Kahimi: Now that is a Simpsons site to end all Simpsons sites! Thanks!

[BornInJapan]

Jittery Joe's is the one. I just didn't know they went to another one in that episode...and man, that site is pretty frickin' intense

[BornInJapan]

Check this out, the Jittery Joe's here...Filing Date: 03/02/1994

[Kahimi]

Originally posted by atomicscissors
BIJ: Yeah atomicscissors is right.

Kahimi: Now that is a Simpsons site to end all Simpsons sites! Thanks!


(and borninjapan) Welcome. :) I first found it while searching for a quote, and it's been an indispensible source ever since.

[domolub]

And do you remember the time when Santa's Little Helper ate my goldfish, and you tried to convince me that I never had a goldfish ... but why did I have the bowl Bart, why did I have the bowl?-Milhouse

[liquid mass]

"We're here.

We're queer.

We don't want any more bears."

"Stop saying things!"

Gets me every time.

"Who's we? Got a mouse in your purse?"

[hippyjonny]

can i ask you a question?

shut up

[ShadeElaine]

"hurry up and get your ass on my neck!"

[Thirty Nine]

"Tubby? Oh yes, tubby"

[sumtinsumtin]

you can run, but you cant glide pyooo pyoooo pyooooo,


out of dream sequence

pyoooo pyoo pyoo


and the perenial


dont you hate pants

[atomicscissors]

Bart: Why do we need church shoes? Jesus wore sandals.

Homer: Well maybe if he had better arch support they wouldn't have caught him.

[joetron2030]

Homer (to Marge): Do you ever get tired of being wrong?!?

[liquid mass]

hahahahahahahhoohohohohohohahahahahahohoohoohahahah..........ooohh, what was I laughing about? Oh yes, that crippled Irishman. hahahahahahhahah...... - Mr. Burns

[slackerbot]

Ralph: Tastes like burning.

[stinky]

I think my all time favorite Ralph is:

Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers!

[SDP]

"Kids, from now on Lionel Hutz no longer exists - say hello to Manuel Sanchez..." - Lionel Hutz

[slackerbot]

Tappa, tappa, tappa.

[slackerbot]

the episode where Lisa goes to the wrong school one morning and walks into a French class. the kids in the class laugh at her..

kids: hahahaa
teacher: ah uh.. en francais.

then the kids laugh in a french accent.

[FDM]

^ hahahaha.

uh uh, en francais!

HOH HOH HOH HOH HOH!!!

[atomicscissors]

I have no idea why this scene popped into my head just now but:


Marge: So, did you call any of your friends?

Lisa: Friends? [scoffs] These are my only friends. [holds up a book] Grownup nerds like Gore Vidal, and even he's kissed more boys than I ever will.

Marge: Girls, Lisa. Boys kiss girls.

[650lex]

I am too lazy to research if this one has been mentioned already but it definitely deserves to be repeated:


Homer: "There's no Filipinos in the Bible!"

[atomicscissors]

Originally posted by 650lex
I am too lazy to research if this one has been mentioned already but it definitely deserves to be repeated:


Homer: "There's no Filipinos in the Bible!"

Which episode is this in?

[650lex]

the one where Homer predicts the Appocalypse...

[charlie bucket]

"applause is an addiction like heroin or checking your email" sideshow mel

[Jesoy]

'smells like otto's jacket'

I use this one all the time....

[SDP]

Homer: "Hmmm, there's something wrong here...aha! This lesbian bar has no fire exits! Enjoy your death-trap, ladies!"

[joetron2030]

Barney: "Jesus must be spinning in his grave."

"Super Nintendo" Chalmers: Good Lord! The rod up that man's butt must have a rod up its butt!"

[FDM]

Originally posted by joetron2030

"Super Nintendo" Chalmers: Good Lord! The rod up that man's butt must have a rod up its butt!"

sometimes i drop that one too.

i'd say the most recurring quote for me and my friend is "i'm mister burns, BLAH BLAH BLAH. do this, do that, BLAH BLAH BLAAHHH. i think i'm so BIG, BLAH BLAH BLAAAHHHHH!!!" (http://www.fortunecity.com/lavendar/poitier/135/blahblah.wav) done in homer's signature mocking tone, anytime something doesn't work out for us or we're somehow forced to do something we don't want to do. which is pretty often given our situations.

[joetron2030]

When I'm doing projects around the house, that scene where Homer puts together that brick barbeque grill horribly always pops into my head.

[FDM]

ah, now that's a good lookin' barbeque. SO WHY THE HELL DOESN'T IT LOOK LIKE MINE!?

[SDP]

Stupid Sexy Flanders!

[SDP]

Nelson: I'm considerable hungry, we got any food left?
Bart: Hmm, looks like we're out of corn pone, fat-back, hard-tack, fat-pone, corn-tack…
Nelson: Any cat-back?
Bart: Cat-back!?
Nelson: I mean…back-tack.
Bart: All out.

[joetron2030]

Homer: Uh... it's like... did anyone see the movie 'Tron'?
Hibbert: No.
Lisa: No.
Marge: No.
Wiggum: No.
Bart: No.
Patty: No.
Wiggum: No.
Ned: No.
Selma: No.
Frink: No.
Lovejoy: No.
Wiggum: Yes. I mean... um, I mean, no. No, heh.

[Jook Sing Vegas]

"The Merciless Peppers of Quetzaltenango - Grown deep in the jungle primeval by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum"

Homer: That talking coyote was really just a talking dog.
Dog: Hiya, Homer! Find your soul mate!
Homer: Wait a minute, dogs can't talk!
(dog barks)
Homer: Damn straight!

[650lex]

my favorite will always be:
"stupid sexy flanders!"

also
"there are no Filipinos in the bible"

Marge: "Homer did you stay up and eat 65 slices of cheese again?"
Homer: "I think I've gone blind"

[35ft6]

^ The guy credited with being, more than anybody else, the guy who shaped the comedic sensibility of The Simpsons said his favorite line of all time (at least up to the point The New Yorker article was printed, about 8 or 9 years ago) was "Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems." I'm not really crazy about it.

[premium]

it's funny because/and it's true

[joetron2030]

Bart (singing): Can I be a booze hound?
Homer (singing): Not 'til you're 15.

[utinni2]

Homer: Hey Apu, wanna be in our Civil War reenactment? We still need a lot of Indians to kill.

Apu: Oh, I don't know which part of that sentence to correct.

[joetron2030]

Kearney's son: I sleep in a drawer.

[premium]

italian chef guy:

you-a replace-ed me witha cheap-a stereotype!

[joetron2030]

Homer: D'oh!

C. Montgomery Burns: Excellent.

Bart: Ay carumba!

[SDP]

Bart: "I wash myself with a rag on a stick."

[650lex]

Originally posted by SDP
Bart: "I wash myself with a rag on a stick."

ha ha - i love that one too! what does Lisa say?

"Mom Bart's poking me..." or something to that effect

oh here's another one i just thought of:

"I'm washing my fat guy hat" - yeah all my favorite quotes are from the super old episodes

"mmm....incapacitated"

[Jook Sing Vegas]

Homer: "Project Arcturus couldn't have succeeded without you. This will get you a little closer to that dream of yours. It's not the Dallas Cowboys, but it's a start. Drop me a line if you're on the East Coast, Hank Scorpio." Aw, the Denver Broncos!
Marge: I think owning the Denver Broncos is pretty good.
Homer: Yeah, yeah.
Marge: Well, explain to me why it isn't.
Homer: (Sighs) You just don't understand football, Marge.

[premium]

http://www.thesimpsonsquotes.com/images/homer_ani.gif

[premium]

Bart, go to your room!

[jbeddome]

You know me Marge, I like my beer cold, my T.V. loud and my homosexuals fallaaming!

[jbeddome]

Homer makes a phone call to NASA:

Homer: Hello, is this NA-SAW?
NASA: Yes
Homer: Good, I am sick of your boring space launches! Now I am just and ordinary blue collared slob but I know what I likes on T.V.!
NASA: How did you get this number?
Homer: Shut up!!

And another thing, how come I can't get no tang round here?
And also...hang on a second. (flushes toilet)


Call to the president later at Moe's:
Homer: Hello, is this president Clinton? Good, I figured if anyone knew where to get some tang, it'd be you. Shut up!!

[jbeddome]

Homer: Just poke blindly at the controls until they let you go.

[jbeddome]

Homer: Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in everyday and do it real half-assed. That's the American way!

[atomicscissors]

Homer: If we want to see Japanese people, we can just go to the zoo.

Marge: HOMER!

Homer: What? The guy who washes the elephants is Japanese. His name is Takashi. He's in my book club.

[SDP]

Homer: Whoops, sorry son. I didn't know you, Jay Leno and a monkey were bathing a clown....

Krusty: Well they are, so make with a loofa or get outta here!

[joetron2030]

Me fail English?
That's unpossible!

An all-time classic Ralph Wiggum quote.

[Mikio4]

An all-time classic Ralph Wiggum quote.

Unpossible has become a part of my vocabulary. So has scientician and I'm sure a few other Simpson "words" I'm not recalling at the moment.

[atomicscissors]

Same here. The Simpsons has embiggened my vocabulary. In fact, I think it's quite cromulent now, especially among 30-somethings, to use those words in everyday conversations.

[fmstlr]

cafetorium

[joetron2030]

One of my all-time favorite exchanges:

Homer: Look kids! I just got my party invitiations back from the printers.

Lisa: [Reading the invitation.] "Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra B is for BYOBB."

Bart: What's that extra B for?

Homer: It's a typo.

Lisa: Dad! Can't you have some other type of party, one where you don't serve meat?

Homer: All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.

Bart: [Musically.] You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!

[Homer, {and then Marge, join in.}]

Lisa: {Mom!}

Marge: {I don't mean to take sides, I just got caught up in the rhythm.}

[atomicscissors]

One of my all-time favorite exchanges:

Homer: Look kids! I just got my party invitiations back from the printers.

Lisa: [Reading the invitation.] "Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra B is for BYOBB."

Bart: What's that extra B for?

Homer: It's a typo.

Lisa: Dad! Can't you have some other type of party, one where you don't serve meat?

Homer: All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.

Bart: [Musically.] You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!

[Homer, {and then Marge, join in.}]

Lisa: {Mom!}

Marge: {I don't mean to take sides, I just got caught up in the rhythm.}

Yes.