amerasian identity

[mogwai]

i am an abc. i was born in a mostly white suburb in connecticut. i attended a mostly white ultraconservative boarding school in connecticut. now i go to college in boston, which is much more diverse. i think there's like 20% minority students in our school, 15% of which are asian i think. okay, what i wanted to say is that i never was surrounded by many asian peers. and i realized this when i went to high school and i was one of 3 asian americans in the whole school of 5-600 kids. there were international students there from china, korea, and japan...but i felt excluded from their in-groups because i felt "too american." and i felt alienated from every else because i felt "too chinese." now my mom just moved to monterey park in los angeles and sitting here in monterey park i have become totally self-conscious and insecure about my racial identity. i somehow feel that i am a total outsider when it comes to asian culture, but somehow asian culture and heritage is an intrinsic part of who i am. does anyone have similar stories or experiences? can anyone relate?

[amboy]

yeah, i can relate. in the philippines i felt too american in many ways, though i didnt grow up in total whiteness. my school was like 20% minority and there has always been a lot of asians in seattle. but my college was like 5% minority, with like 50 asians out of 3 thousand. that was a culture shock. enjoy that you can be around lots of people who look like you. and many people have had a similar experience and can relate to you, though part of claiming an asian american identity is rebelling against the 'white' parts of yourself. my gf is writing a paper about memory and loss in asian american literature. having such a split in your life, between white and chinese, is difficult issue to resolve.

also, living on the east coast now, i see how asians are more outsiders here, even in nyc.

amerasian refers more to the abandoned offspring in asia of american g.i.'s and asian women who were granted american citizenship. i think what you refer more to is asian american identity.

[dirtyknees]

Originally posted by mogwai
i am an abc. i was born in a mostly white suburb in connecticut. i attended a mostly white ultraconservative boarding school in connecticut. now i go to college in boston, which is much more diverse. i think there's like 20% minority students in our school, 15% of which are asian i think. okay, what i wanted to say is that i never was surrounded by many asian peers. and i realized this when i went to high school and i was one of 3 asian americans in the whole school of 5-600 kids. there were international students there from china, korea, and japan...but i felt excluded from their in-groups because i felt "too american." and i felt alienated from every else because i felt "too chinese." now my mom just moved to monterey park in los angeles and sitting here in monterey park i have become totally self-conscious and insecure about my racial identity. i somehow feel that i am a total outsider when it comes to asian culture, but somehow asian culture and heritage is an intrinsic part of who i am. does anyone have similar stories or experiences? can anyone relate?

i totally relate bro. i grew up in the fucking deep south. i went to boarding school in connecticut too where i interacted with other asians for really the first time in my life. but i had a hard time fitting in with them. it wasn't until my senior year of high school that i really even began concstructing my identity as a person of color and as an asian american. college has been a mind blowing experience for me in terms of my identity formation.

which boarding school did you go to? i went to choate.

I'm from Hawaii. We got a zillion Asians here and there is a lot of Asian culture mixed in the local customs. Some of us are from the "old country" and some are born in the US.

But I can still feel out of the Asian group or the US group of white folks. Visiting relatives in Asia is good but I just don't fit in there. It doesn't help that I'm not fluent with the language either. The locals there usually think I'm some other type of Asian. Its probably because I don't dress like them or have the same haircut.

Being an Asian American makes it hard to fit in either groups. You're a mix of different cultures so you aren't the same as the typical members of those groups.

But I wouldn't trade being an Asian American for anything else. Its who I am. I would be proud of whatever race I was born of anyway. Gotta love yourself.

[Mikio4]

Well I can kinda sorta relate. I'm mixed and was born in Tokyo and lived there till I was 11. I remember feeling like an outsider often enough both with my white school friends and with my Japanese neighborhood friends, although to be fair I felt my difference most with strangers gaping or making cracks. Moving back to the states obviously didn't help any in the alienation dept as Minneaplois is pretty white. But the fact is I feel like this malleable/unidentifiable racial identity is a good thing. It makes it a lot easier to discount sterotypes and mental profiling that we all do to the "other." I mean it's a lot harder to pigeon hole someone like me who was born in Japan, lived most of my life in the Midwest and looks more hispanic (to the average person) than either white or Japanese. And although identity politics is important to me in many ways, I find it easier to merely identify myself as part of the human race, especially when you have felt like an outsider on both sides of the fence yer straddlin.

[SweetArse]

I was born in HK, but came to the US when I was 2. Being raised in the states, I sometimes feel like I have a heightened awareness of my surroundings. That is, whenever I've hung out with Asian people my age, they don't talk about anything except consumeristic bullshit like stocks and Banana Republic, Abercrombie and so on. But if I hang out with more Americanized Asians, the discussions are a little deeper and more meaningful. My best friend came here when he was about 10, and we both have come to describe this as "sophisticated Asians." We have been able to look back at our traditional upbringing and fuse it with the American way of life. We try to see through the superficiality of the Chinese way. I regret that I've never been to China, but why is it that even in their Communist state, people are so cutthroat about making money and appearing rich? I have a step family from Shanghai and they are so fake it makes me sick. Everyone must wear this or that, look like this or that, play golf because the rich Americans do it, so on and on ad nauseum. I know I'm generalizing here. Does anyone else see this?

Originally posted by SweetArse
We try to see through the superficiality of the Chinese way. I regret that I've never been to China, but why is it that even in their Communist state, people are so cutthroat about making money and appearing rich? I have a step family from Shanghai and they are so fake it makes me sick. Everyone must wear this or that, look like this or that, play golf because the rich Americans do it, so on and on ad nauseum. I know I'm generalizing here. Does anyone else see this?

Its not just Chinese but I have seen it and heard it. Every country has their wannabes. The funny thing is that some of those wannabes will look down on Asian Americans who grew up with that stuff and speak good English.

One of my Taiwan friends says that he could make some money if he brought back a bunch of name brand jeans. He mentioned something about a big demand for that stuff in his home country.

[felix]

well said

[amboy]

another thread rises from the depths. not a bad one, even now, questions of identity and one's place in the world still interest me. i would say that after living in new york for two years, i definitely feel more confident and comfortable with myself, being a both insider and outsider, filipino and american, person of color and totally westernized.

[nikel]

that's cool, amboy.
growing up, my father would remind us that some things will be assumed just because of our appearance. he would say it matter-of-factly even when we were really young, grade school or so. that perspective was helpful as a kid in a mostly-white suburb.

[Jack]

I'm Half Chinese, and I was the ONLY Chinese kid in Primary School. In High School, their were about 6 of us in the entire school.

Now that's screwed up :P

[CaptainPajamaShark]

I think it's safe to say that there are many of us with similar stories of feeling like the 'outsider.' I was born and raised in Japan (until I was 17), moved to Minneapolis and found it very difficult adjusting to life here. Believe it or not, my relatives on my father's side openly referred to my mother and I as 'Japs' which I didn't appreciate. As a result I no longer talk to them or acknowledge them as relatives. In Japan I've encountered similar scrutiny among Japanese kids who thought my brother and I were freaks. However, my family in Japan have always been generous and treat my brother and I like royalty. It's ironic, growing up in Japan I had many problems with kids picking on me, but now that I'm an adult it seems if you're half you're hip.

In any case, I don't think those of us who come from biracial families should have to justify who we are and where we come from. Embrace your ethnicity as I have...you'll be better off.

[phism]

shit i'm hapa haole so i'll claim a piece of all of that

[lazerbeenz]

Originally posted by Mech1
I think it's safe to say that there are many of us with similar stories of feeling like the 'outsider.'

i think no matter what the current reason for feeling like an outsider is, everyone feels that way or lives in fear of being ostrasized. this said, i think it's wierd that although we all want to feel connected, we purposely do things to detach others from a community.

[m1]

Originally posted by Mech1
... I had many problems with kids picking on me, but now that I'm an adult it seems if you're half you're hip.

In any case, I don't think those of us who come from biracial families should have to justify who we are and where we come from. Embrace your ethnicity as I have...you'll be better off.

what he said.


m1

[amboy]

Originally posted by nikel
that's cool, amboy.
growing up, my father would remind us that some things will be assumed just because of our appearance. he would say it matter-of-factly even when we were really young, grade school or so. that perspective was helpful as a kid in a mostly-white suburb.

thats true nikel. i think definitely before i was more aware of assumptions people made of me because of my appearance. i think in new york has been different tho: people assume everything about you from the way you look, yet paradoxically they couldnt care less. it seems like here you look for (and find) people with similar experiences and world outlooks as yours, and connect on that level more, than on a racial level, tho the racial or ethnic thing always factors into the equation. to me it seems like living in new york doesnt really have anything to do with citizenship or nationality or race. im comfortable here in ways that ive never been before. white people who are obviously brand new in the city from the midwest or someplace else look more fresh off the boat to me than anyone in chinatown, and even tho i shouldnt, i definitely like that reversed feeling of being the insider while 'they' are the outsider.

[coxon]

Originally posted by Jack
I'm Half Chinese, and I was the ONLY Chinese kid in Primary School. In High School, their were about 6 of us in the entire school.

Now that's screwed up :P

i'm chinese.. born in sydney australia..
was the only chinese kid in primary school...

in high school there were a total of 3 chinese..
myself, and my two sisters...

moved back to sydney to finish off my last two years of high school, in a boys school which was 60% asian (hk/koreans)..

have wonderful friends who are fobs, abc's (aussie born chinese) and aussie gwei-lo's...

donno what they do in the states there... but here, no problems/identity crisis/etc etc at all...

[vegAsian]

oh boy... I'll need to hit this thread up later...
BUT I'm Amerasian myself... 1/2 Chinese & 1/2 Jewish.
Both sides totally make up who I/You am/are. I got more and
more family in Cali that be mixin it up. So more Chinese Jews
be poppin up in the fam. I'll be back to lay down some more...

http://www.knurdle.com/albums/giantrobot/Perseus_small.jpg

[perseus]

Originally posted by Metempsychosis
[http://www.modaldub.net/images/spoof/sol_sheep_2.jpg

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blame Solipsism, i tried many times to get him to stop...
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[bucktoof]

i have amerasian identity issues!

my father was a nuclear engineer who lost a nut after twenty years 'cause he was tired of working for the man. before he cashed out, he hauled ass in the 80s and moved our family into the burbs, aka no asians here...i don't mean to sound like an ass, but, honestly it was a BIG change.

i was born in east los angeles and our family lived in boyle heights and then moved to aracdia where we lived until i was 8 or 9. back then there weren't a whole lot of korean families, but we moved to this cow town where there were bascially three kim/lee families who were all related; the kids were cousins and really popular, which in my mind supported the theory that tokenistic represenation of ethnic groups fare better than whole communities who "move in" on an area (a whole 'nutha topic altogether; ethnic acclimation).

anyways, my mom made our clothes from leftover fabric to save money. she was a really good seamstress and worked in the sewing factories when she met my dad in l.a. - my mom rocks. she immigrated here by herself dodging a marriage to some pharmacist...ha ha. ennyhoo, with the whole little house on the prairie wardrobe we werent' very liked or respected. hence, founders of the very first korean nerd herd in the area.

like most kids, growing up was a drag, but the worst part about it was feeling alienated from other koreans/asians when i had the occasion to meet one. my father is pretty old school, so i grew up with the standard korean house rules and lecturing, but i was still too americanized for most of the korean kids i met at college and around town. it's not as big a deal these days, but ten years ago it was really tough to convince other korean kids i wasn't a satanist and/or a raging lesbian. (i have short hair)

Originally posted by mogwai
i am an abc. i was born in a mostly white suburb in connecticut. i attended a mostly white ultraconservative boarding school in connecticut. now i go to college in boston, which is much more diverse. i think there's like 20% minority students in our school, 15% of which are asian i think. okay, what i wanted to say is that i never was surrounded by many asian peers. and i realized this when i went to high school and i was one of 3 asian americans in the whole school of 5-600 kids. there were international students there from china, korea, and japan...but i felt excluded from their in-groups because i felt "too american." and i felt alienated from every else because i felt "too chinese." now my mom just moved to monterey park in los angeles and sitting here in monterey park i have become totally self-conscious and insecure about my racial identity. i somehow feel that i am a total outsider when it comes to asian culture, but somehow asian culture and heritage is an intrinsic part of who i am. does anyone have similar stories or experiences? can anyone relate?

Kind of sucks to be you. I suggest ditching the whole Amer-asian thing. Sounds weird.

[wnoodle]

I'm a Canadasian :P

[bucktoof]

Originally posted by hotdog


Kind of sucks to be you. I suggest ditching the whole Amer-asian thing. Sounds weird.

yeah, but fortunately you graduate from high school and move on. :rolleyes:

[cellout]

wow. so there really are jewish asians.

[kamenriderv3]

....the ultimate merchants

[EK-4000]

american knees.

[reckanize]

I'm Scottish/Japanese, not amerasian, but I can relate. A lot of the time I just feel like I'm in some kind of limbo. There are so few Japanese in Scotland. There were none in any of my schools. I still feel like an outsider to an extent, even with my white friends who I've known for years. This is partly due to the drinking culture here which I've never been a part of due to the old 'Red Skull'. I try to express the Japanese part of me but on the rare occasions when I meet Japanese people I feel so ignorant. I can't talk to them properly because my language is not up to scratch, and my cultural knowledge is out of date because I haven't been to Japan in 5 years. I'm just a hapa stuck in the middle. Scottish/Japanese, talk about a minority.

Are Chinese people offended by the term Chinaman? I'm being serious here. This mountain near my house is named Chinaman's Peak, and they are changing it to like AmerAsian man's peak or something. Help!

[perseus]

amerasian identity? it says right there on that tag at the collar...

[grandma tran]

dude. i just got back from a traditional vietnamese dinner and i'm bummed. i realize how americanized i am and that i suck when it comes to a lot of vietnamese etiquette shit. ugh!!!

[Jack]

And I have recently been obsessed with the fact I was dumped for not being Chinese almost a year ago.

Maaaan. That sucks.