c’mon

Oh, Snap!

 

C’mon, Trader Joe’s People!



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C’mon Chinese People!

I’m jumping in on this, because… well… c’mon Chinese people? Why do you have to try to out-gross the American children’s pageant scene? There’s no need.

Full, depressing story here.



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Hurricane Sandy and Midtown Manhattan

Grand Central Station, one of the busiest terminals in the world, is locked and completely empty.

Sandy hammered New York City Monday night. Midtown Manhattan was spared of the worst. We don’t have flooding like other parts of the city, but 39th Street has emerged as the dividing line of the have and have-nots. Of electricity that is. I’m straddling both worlds because while I don’t have power at home, I do at work! Here are some pics from my morning commute.

A loss of power doesn’t stop the Korean greengrocer from staying open while nearly all chain groceries and drug stores are closed.

 

One of my favorite burger joints remains closed, but they prepared as most other businesses did by boarding up the doors and laying down plastic to prevent flooding into the below-the-street storage.

 

As a former Cub Scout, I know that in the case of rain (or record hurricanes), the flag should be taken down and stored inside. C’mon, closed post-office people!

 

This Sanitation Dept. big gun is probably headed to the Lower East Side, parts of which are under a few feet of water. Wonder what kind of shape the old GRNY space is in!

 

Not only are our bus lines down, but so are some of the bus signs! Even though the MTA has suspended trains and buses, cars are still assiduously avoiding the bus lanes even though I doubt they’d be fined at this point.

 

No days off for Asians! Most countries have closed their consulates for the day — not the Philippines! The guy’s stepped out for a moment, though.



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C’mon, Supermarket People!

Allied Old English is the maker of this fine “sauce,” which is basically sugar! You know, if you’re gonna do it this way, at least make the whole thing in a chinky font. C’mon!



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Black-People Toothpaste!

The former “Darkie” name is gone and the smiling minstrel face is replaced with a man of an uncertain race in a top hat, but the toothpaste is still literally called “black people” (黑人, pronounced “hei ren” in Mandarin).

Black-people toothpaste is still sold in many Asian countries (we found this our first night in Taipei at a 7-11 two weeks ago). The parent company, Hawley & Hazel Group, is 50%-owned by Colgate-Palmolive.

On their site, Colgate says that while they replaced the “Darkie” English name with “Darlie” in 1990, they kept the “hei ren” characters because “Hawley & Hazel’s research shows that Chinese consumers perceive the ‘Hei ren’ toothpaste brand to be trustworthy, international and modern.”

If that’s the case, then how come there are zero black people on Darlie’s web site?

C’mon, Colgate-Palmolive and Hawley & Hazel people!



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C’mon, Three Stooges People!

Wow, hope this scene isn’t in the reboot! (Flied Liceburgers — I get it!)



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C’mon, Korean People!

Is a Screw Ice-Bar better than a cigarette in bed?



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World’s Tallest Ride Opens in China

These lovely ladies will catch you if you fall out.

This Guangzhou ride, which doesn’t seem to have a name in English, takes you up 1,588 feet (as tall as the fifth highest building in the world and only 82 feet shorter than Taipei 101) then drops you! You can build this, but you can’t build better relations with the people of Tibet and Uyghurs in Xinjiang? C’mon, Chinese people!

Chinese women ain’t afraid of no heights.

Isn’t this great, Fred? Fred! Nooooo!!!



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Undeniable Proof That Obama Is a Socialist

C’mon, Chinese people! Notebook purchased in the People’s Republic. (Thanks, Bryan Ong!)



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Would You Eat Cow Boogers?

They are warm, brown, juicy and salty – and they actually taste pretty good!

C’mon, Corean people!

 



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Exporting Science, Engineering PhDs to Asia

The photo isn’t doctored, but these students are.

The Economist recently reported that between 1996 and 2007, the U.S. awarded a whopping 57% of its science and engineering doctorates to Asian nationals, if one needed proof of the continent-wide value of masochism.

Here’s the breakdown: 28% went to Chinese; 11% to Indians; 9% to South Koreans; 7% to Taiwanese; but only 2% to Japanese. C’mon, Japanese people!

(Japan is addressing its relative underperformance.)



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Sell Your Ova, Chinese Students!

Brokers “egging on” transactions between couples and ova sellers.

Young women attending famous universities in Beijing come to a café where couples evaluate the girls and inquire through agents about the girls’ height and blood type. Ovum providers get 5,000 yuan according to an investigation carried out by the Beijing News reporter — that’s about $800.

C’mon, Chinese people!



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What the Hell Is ‘Wokery’?

Wegmans is a regional supermarket chain in the Northeast where “Asian” by itself doesn’t sound appetizing enough. Hickory, dickory…wokery? C’mon!



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C’mon, Chinese People!

That’s how strong my lobe is!

So not only does Zhaozhuang City in Shangdong province have a used-car expo, but they also kick it off with insano publicity stunts like having a man pull a car with his ears. I guess it was a family event, so the iron-penis thing wouldn’t be appropriate.

If only the ears of China’s heartless leaders were so easy to bend!



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C’mon, Chinese People!

Are you promoting civism or civet-ism?

This is Sichuan Province’s way of promoting good citizenship — dress up your local nubile volunteers as skanky cats and unleash them in the subways.

Dad is getting the message!

It figures. Sichuan is known for spiciness, right?

Looks like open solicitation to me…

After the day was over, these women went home with Chairman Meow. Ba dump dump.



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C’mon, Chinese People!

When you try to change your restaurant’s name, remember the little sign, too.

Let’s say the Chinese restaurant you run is already a couple years old — too old for you to call it “NEW GREEN BO.” Let’s say you want to change it to “NICE GREEN BO,” just so your  regulars aren’t thrown off too much.

If your sign is translucent and lit from the back, it’s probably worth it to properly fix your sign instead of pasting on “NICE” over it, because at night, your restaurant becomes “NIECWE GREEN BO.” Not that that’s a bad name.



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C’mon, Chinese People!

You mean I get two bucks off for the last two hours before you have to throw it all away? Awesome!



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Surrogate Valentine’s New York Debut

Put it up on the glass: Surrogate Valentine poster framed and hanging in Brooklyn Academy of Music’s cinema.

Surrogate Valentine debuted in New York last Thursday at the Brooklyn Academy of Music‘s BAMCinemaFest of new films. The film’s stars came out and shone along with all the East Coast Asian Pacific American stars.

Director Dave Boyle (left) and star Goh Nakamura (right) introduce the film, explain they’ll be drinking during the screening but will return after for a Q&A.

The film’s over and they’re back, joined by co-executive producer, Michael Lerman.

The women of Surrogate Valentine step up: left to right, Di Quon, Mary Cavett and Lynn Chen. Co-writer Joel Clark has snuck in on the far right.

Di gets goofy.

Goh is the best. He’s like when Beyonce is both the guest star and the musical guest on SNL.

(more…)



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C’mon, Chinese People!

(Thank you, B.D. Wong)



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C’mon, Pizza People!

You didn’t grow up with a tiger mom.

As you may or may not know, the public restaurant-grading system has recently come to New York. This pizza joint in the Theater District is the first C that I’ve seen, though. Places seem to have an A, B or “Rating Pending” (which actually means they are challenging the grade given). My wife, who grew up in L.A., says she has never seen a C anywhere.

If you run a joint that gets a C rating, you obviously don’t give a damn. If you eat there, you also obviously don’t give a damn, and this place was pretty packed.



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