by Eric Nakamura We haven't done many movie reviews, but I figure I might save some of you eight fucken bucks. Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Clueless, are films from different generations that are filled with greatness. Fast Times offered kids a variety of lifestyles to pursue ranging from a jock to huge pot head. The picture even started off a ton of acting careers. Clueless is another great film bringing Alicia Silverstone to teen star status in case she wasn't there already. It even spawned into a TV show. Both were done by Amy Heckerling and the well has now run dry. Her latest, Loser does nothing. It's supposed to be just that, a film about a loser but now I'm convinced, it's actually made by one too.

A few months ago, the trailers for Loser began to appear. I figured this would be at least a decent stupid teen flick (is this an oxymoron?). Every clip from the film that could be construed as funny, all happens within the first ten minutes. It's a sad feeling sitting in a theater witnessing every joke from the trailer happen one after another. Starring Jason Biggs, the big nosed American Pie guy and the virginal chick cheerleader from American Beauty, Mena Suvari, you'd think this film would have teen drama potential. But sitting together with the few people in the theater in a typically crowded weekend shopping district, and not hearing a laugh will tell you that the film is fucked. The story line is the epitome of cliche. It goes something like, boy likes girl, girl likes someone else, and then boy gets girl. There's nothing else to it.

The character development also blows elephants. In Fast Times, Spiccoli was always stoned, in Clueless, Alicia Silverstone was always a spoiled shit, and in Loser, Jason Biggs starts off as a clumsy nerd from some North Dakota looking hinterland. He's dropping things, doing stupid things, giving wack black handshakes for the first time, and bumping into people with his backpack. By the middle of the film, his clumsiness is gone. Did the director forget? He's all of a sudden a regular guy compared to his cartoonish roommates, who were just a farce. Special note to any filmmaker, shit jokes work better than clutz jokes. Biggs' dad is a fat ass Dan Akroyd who actually says the only worthwhile line in the movie. "Interested is interesting." Meaning, listening to a person and being truly interested is how you make friends. Meanwhile, Mena Suvari is dating a jerk professor, played by Greg Kinnear. His role is forgettable, and so is hers. She's trying to find a job practically throught the whole film, and gets nowhere. Big deal, and she's not even hot. And in the same moment of epiphany that you already saw in Clueless of Silverstone flashing back to images her surprise love interest, the girl then realizes that she likes Biggs. It's all shit, since no girl in real life would like him if he wasn't an actor.

The only funny moment was the cameo appearance of David Spade. And I'll leave his one minute of decentness, which really isn't special, as being the highlight of the movie. The flick is that sad. Actually a funny moment does happen, but not on screen. When Biggs picks out a condom out of the trash, a little kid sitting a row over from me asks his dad, "What's that?" I laughed with the others sitting around me as the dad was whispering a ton of BS into the kids ear to shut him up. This film has no interesting subplots, technical merits, or humor. It's title is also an enigma. Why call the movie Loser when neither lead were losers? Is there something loser-ish about having to maintain a 3.5 GPA to retain a scholarship? Is it because of Biggs' big nose? Is the director playing off of Biggs' American Pieness? Alright, well Suvari was dating a professor which is a loser move, but overall, I think Amy Heckerling attempted to make a movie here, but fucked up. The title of Loser is directed at her, the film industry, and the fools like me who paid to see it. to download selected American Pie scenes, go to www.firstpiece.com