By Eric on 2006-11-21

Your Yard Blows #3, but some of these don’t.

YARD1. Multiple Yards.
This yard suffers from too much. It has a disorder. I’m digging the big tree, but the leftside Sago Palm looking thing isn’t working. Nice rocks placed here and there, and the curved brick border made someone proud at one time. Should it be just dirt on the ground? Should there be more to cover that up a bit? Right now, I can see it being a haven for dog to shit in.

Whoa… but don’t discount the tree in front! That’s a mini bonsai that could have been done by Miyagi himself. You can see the parts of the tree that’s been chopped off to make this look chill. The two rocks look like islands. Could it be representing LOST? The bush to the right of the tree looks like cousin IT or a Tribble (Star Trek). It’s just a weird hairy tiny bush. Not feeling that part, sorry.

Part 3 of the same house!
This house has a weird wood wall. I’m not sure what that wall accomplishes. I don’t feel relaxed by it because it’s bamboo, and the mini roof on the wall? This isn’t making much sense. Is it something people are supposed to climb or scale? Is it protecting anyone from intruders? Privacy? It’s just a decoration, and I can accept it for that, but I still don’t get it. From a different angle, the rock is looking sort of like a sea anenome. Overall, I gotta give this a 7.5

YARD 2. The Master.
This might be the king of yards on the block. The gourd pattern on the walk way might be seal the deal. Japanese and gourds. There’s a symbiosis. This yard features manicured trees galore. On the left, look at the roots and the rocks in harmony! Each tree is trimmed like a bush should be. The round bushes aren’t perfect, matching how nature really is, and I’m even digging the walk way railing near the house. It has a mid century modern pattern.
This house might have a bit too much going on. It’s nice, and it’s great, it’s a big lawnmowing bill. But overall I have to give these folks a 9.

YARD 3. Gilligan’s Island.
Here’s a strange detail. This one doesn’t have a yard, but there’s a tree coming out of nowhere. Is this supposed to represent an island in some zen way? If it is, then I’d hate to be stuck on a one tree island. It looks nice, and maybe it covers up the front door, but I sort of feel sorry of this tree. Where are the worms gonna go? There’s not enough dirt or grass on this concrete jungle. A 6, even though there’s some efforts with the “yard” in the background. I see some tree, but in the end, the feature is this lonely tree. I’m gonna rescue this tree one day. A 6.

YARD 4. Lemme Killmeister.
My grandmother used to live at this house. 11572 Mississippi. It’s a tiny house, but what’s with the crazy ivy. I don’t really dig the handlebar moustache look and if you live in this house, you have to love it. It’s very Lemmy from Motorhead. The windows work in perfect composition to give those Tom Petty “Don’t Come Around Here no More” glasses. A 5. At least there’s greenery. This house is weird, all the way down to the patch of cement next to curb. What’s that for? Cinderella?

YARD 5. Donger Need Food.
Do you use condoms? I would if I lived in this phallic house of love. Yellow house, the color of nervous jealousy. Twin green dongers in front. Walk in between and you better have that umbrella out. A 5 since the walkway has the bricks going perpendicular to the sidewalk, leading you in. The flowers on the path are a cute touch.

Whoa shit… here it comes. The mammoth of them all…

YARD 6 The infamous ghost house of Sawtelle.
I’ve been in the area when I was young, and now I’m here again. This house has always looked thrashed. It’s sitting on a huge lot that’s always unkept. The fence around it is a mess, but vintage! A bonus point. I’ve never seen the people who live here, but they are Japanese American. The house is super old, worn down, and hasn’t had a coat of paint on it since I can remember. The backyard has that RV. I’ve seen a wire connecting power to the RV from the house. Later at night, there are light on in the RV. But the house is always dark. What’s in there? Who’s in there? Is it filled with bugs and rats?

So let’s rate this… I’d give this a 10 or a 0. It’s scary, it’s bold, it’s huge, it’s hard is totally thrashed, and the house is just a beater. But it does have the most character of any house in the area. It’s known by all and despised by many, but my curiousity gives this ultimate ratings. The land itself is worth a goldmine and the fact that it sits like this make me smile. It’s one bit of tradition in the area still intact. Anyone out there know anything about this place? I want to know. Can I get a tour?

YARD 7. Treeasles.
Can you rebuild him? This tree and Manuel Noriega have a lot in common. This tree is all trunk, with no top. I think it got ruined from overtrimming. You guys killed the poor tree, gave it treeasles, and now look. You get a 3.

I have to give these guys props. Southwest or maybe south of the border in design, the yard kind of matches, but they do it without succulents. So someone cut the bushes to look like cactus. I have to give this creativity props for doing weird shit to your yard. It’s obviously 2nd rate gardner work. There’s no way Miyagi put his hands on this one. The symmetry of each bush is extra strange, it’s sort of looks alien. But… this actually fits the house and although I don’t really like the house, it sort of works in the oddest way. A 7.